View Full Version : Cruelty does not equal love

Jul 7, 2013, 12:10 PM
Some of that starts clear back in childhood, by parents/teachers/others making excuses for bad behavior. Let's call this man Harry. When Harry is 6, he pulls the hair of several little girls. And it's excused with "Boys will be boys." When Harry is 7, he pushes girls into mud puddles. The girls are told "He only did that because he likes you." When he's 8, he adds throwing baseballs into their faces. "It was an accident! They shouldn't get in Harry's way!" By the time Harry is a teenager and is groping the girls as he passes them, it's "Those girls want to be groped, or they wouldn't dress like that." He has a whole litany of excuses that all boil down to "I'm not responsible for anything I do. It's always someone else's fault." :mad:

You are so right on with this! I work with someone whose 7 year old daughter was being picked on by a boy at school and the school wasn't doing anything so he and his wife had a meeting with the principal and his daughter's teacher. What did they/school say? "Oh, he does that because he likes her," with an "oh isn't it just so cute?" smile. He/dad told them, "Those words will never be spoken to my daughter by you or anyone. I will not let my daughter think that if a boy treats you badly it means he likes you. You know, if you teach a little girl that, then you wonder why years from now all of their boyfriends are jerks and you can't figure out why she chooses to be with jerks. It's because you told her that being mean equals love. Do your husbands show you love by pulling your hair and tripping you? I want the boy's behavoir stopped NOW!" He said the principal and the teacher were speechless after he said that and then after a few minutes said, "Okay, Mr. Smith, we'll put a stop to it."

It's not doing the little boy any favors either since it takes what could be a relatively normal if obnoxious period of social awkwardness and potentially turning it into a lifetime of thinking that acting like an immature obnoxious 7 year old means you are expressing your emotional attachment or romantic interest (hello Fort Lauderdale Spring Break!) Yes, some high energy boys really do those things when they have some sort of crush on a girl and they don't have the social skills yet to express an interest in friendship .

Babies scream bloody murder when they're hungry and they grab your nose and twist it when they like you and want to play with you---but once they learn words we teach them different ways of getting food/asking someone to play. The boys need to be taught that this behavior is not okay or cute, and they also need to be taught acceptable ways of playing with others.

I have been thinking of these words all week. Can this please be posted to the "keep forever" section where the advice on finding lawyers; planning to escape; finding counselors goes?

Thanks, GenE