Blog Comments

  1. Whoever's Avatar
    What does your DH/DuH say when MIL behaves this way? Is MIL's name on the deed to the house? If not, she has no claim to the house.

    Speak to a landlord/tenant attorney and begin the eviction procedure. Take down MIL's carp from all over your house and put it in boxes in her room. If she puts it back, the stuff goes in the trash. When the eviction date arrives, call the sheriff's department to help evict her. Change the locks immediately.

    And, please, stop apologizing to this woman. She views this as a weakness plus, you have no reason to apologize.

    Get DH/DuH into therapy with a non-unicorn therapist. He is every bit as much of a problem as MIL. He let her move in and treat you like carp. If MIL ever touches you or pushes you down again, call the police and press charges. Then get an RO, which will keep her out of your house.

    Come on over to the forums for more advice.
  2. far far away's Avatar
    Why is your MIL living with you. Is the mortgage in your DH’ and your names? Where is your DH on this? I would give her notice to vacate, whatever notice the law in your state requires. If she won’t leave, have the sheriff or police remove her. Then change the locks on the door and don’t let her in. Remove her crap from your house and put it in a trash bag outside the house for her along with her clothes.
  3. modfern's Avatar
    Come over to the main forum. It gets a lot more traffic.
  4. Whoever's Avatar
    Sorry, but your DH, then DuH, was also to blame. He kissed his mommy dearest on the lips, he assured her that he loved her more than he loved you and even interrupted intimacy to see what she wanted. Even if MIL demanded this, DuH could have told her an emphatic NO.

    He married you, made vows to you to Leave-and-Cleave and forsake-all-others but didn't follow through.

    Don't hold your breath. When mommy dearest gets old and sick he may revert right back to when he was a DuH. Counseling now.

  5. Whoever's Avatar
    Your MIL doesn't like you, never has and never will. Stop trying. What does DH say when his mother does all of this to you?

    DH can still have a relationship with his father without including his mother.


    P.S. You posted this twice.
  6. Whoever's Avatar
    Your DH is using you as a meatshield for his mother. If he cannot stand to be around her, why should you be put into that position?

    Start locking all your doors. Tell her she has to call at least a day in advance and ASK if it would be ok to visit. No telling you she is coming as she pulls into your driveway. Better yet, tell her she has to wait until invited. Then, when she tries to get into your house, tell her it is not a good time and since she didn't call to ask if it was ok to visit or wait for an invitation, she'll have to go home. then step away from the door.

    It seems neither you nor DH have given MIL any consequences for her actions. Next time she does something like this, and you know there will be a next time, put her in a three month TO. Second offense and it has six months added on.
  7. far far away's Avatar
    I think that you really have no reason to see or talk to your MIL. If your DH can't stand to be around his mother for 15 minutes, why should you have to be around her at all? If I were you I believe I'd block her number from your phone and, a big one, lock your door so she can't walk in.
  8. vweqktmtvd's Avatar
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  9. pinot_noir's Avatar
    I think you should move back to your parents' house and take your baby with you. If FIL cannot stand to live with MIL, I don't see why you should. If DH wants his wife and child to live with him he'll have to sort the situation out.

    You may find you'll get more responses if you post on the forums. The blogs were added as a new feature when the site software was upgraded but they aren't used much.
  10. outcast47's Avatar
    I honestly would do a timeout and explicitly tell her that she is being unreasonable. You don't need someone causing problems before the child is born. Mine was horrible too, in different ways. She kept telling people "We're having twins" when my wife was the only one pregnant, like she had anything to do with it. After the 7th month, my wife lost her filter and told her off in front of people.
  11. Whoever's Avatar
    Your DH needs to have your back and Leave-and-Cleave. You are his priority, not mommy dearest.

    They want you to rug sweep and call it forgiveness. You don't have to "forgive" just let them go, cut them off.

    Get some individual counseling to help determine what is best for you and only you. Go to the HALL OF FAME forum and read the thread about finding a decent counselor. You do NOT want one of those happy-families-at-all-costs type of therapist or one with their own agenda. H3ll, read all the threads in the HALL OF FAME.

    Come over to the message boards, there is more activity there.

  12. Whoever's Avatar
    Your problem is as much your DuH as your ILs. You are not his priority, he has repeatedly shown you this.

    File at least police reports, if not actual charges against the ILs. Recover their threatening messages and contact an attorney to help you file a restraining order against them.

    If DuH still claims you are making things up and his family would never do something like that, dump his sorry a$$ as fast as you can. Then get a restraining order against him as well as he will probably be their flying monkey

    You deserve better.

  13. EvilEvilDIL's Avatar
    Put MIL on a timeout until well after the birth. She's earned it. You can revisit the decision once you see how she behaves.

    Only's are awesome. And yes - head over to the boards!
  14. mamaalanna's Avatar
    Test for Modfern.
  15. mamaalanna's Avatar
    What Rabbit said. Most of us have toxic MILs but very few have threatened our lives. Do NOT delete threatening texts, voicemails, or emails. You need these to confirm your documentation.

    Come over to the forum and post there. Not a lot of people read the blogs.
  16. mamaalanna's Avatar
    Hey, Ellie, come on over to the main forum and unoad. Not a lot of people read the blogs.
  17. Rabbit's Avatar
    I am so sorry this has happened to you. You do not deserve this. Please don't give up hope and find healing.

    I don't like the situation you have described one little bit. Not only do you have a serious problem with your husband's family, you also seem to have a husband problem. He needs to believe you, and he needs to have your back, and help you make sure you are safe from those people. For a start, begin to document their threats. Report threats and window breakage to police to begin to build a file. Have a serious talk with husband. Get a good marriage counselor. Also, speak with a lawyer about getting a restraining order. If after your serious talk with husband he still insists on having contact with his terrifying family members, I think you need to leave him. These people are not normal.
    Updated Mar 24, 2017 at 12:45 AM by Rabbit (Wanted to add thought)
  18. Jane901's Avatar
    You are a very lucky woman!
  19. EvilEvilDIL's Avatar
    Great to hear!
  20. Non's Avatar
    I've actually been on the other side of this situation. My husbands mother complained about not being part of wedding planning, but to be honest I didn't need help. I love planning and I had most of it planned before they said they were interested in helping. They didn't like me from the start, before they ever met me. My MIL is a total control freak and when she started losing her son to another woman she got nasty. She told him not to marry me and said my parents were bad people for supporting a wedding that they weren't involved in. Unfortunately in your situation you seemed to have handled it much better than my MIL. The best advice I can give you, from the other side (and trust me I know how hard it is), you have to let it go. She may be nasty but he's going to marry her. Unless you want to create a wedge with your son, just help pay the liquor bill and anything else they need help with. If they're letting you be part of that, take it and be grateful. It will show you're trying to make things better, even if she won't.
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