TisSheilah

20 Years of Harassment

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It started in ‘92. There were constant hang-ups on the line. Then my SIL and her mother started leaving threatening messages on my answering machine. They began to have their friends and relatives call to tell me that I needed to stop seeing their brother.

Over the years, it has only gotten worse. My SIL, her friends, or her family members would call to tell me they’ve driven by and recount what they’ve seen, who I was with and what was going on.

They’ve threatened my neighbors. My SIL once took a gun and menaced my neighbor with it. He was an alcoholic. That poor soul was afraid to tell me because he didn’t think I’d believe him. He did a good job describing her gun to me. He wouldn’t press charges.

Ten years ago, SIL went to my college campus and harassed my academic advisors. I went to a religious college and she’d tell the clergy that I was an evil person. I was Satan. They asked her to get help. I’m not sure she did.

DH hails from an enmeshed, alcoholic family, we are expected to live to the roles they assign to us. They never bothered to tell me before our wedding, that I was not allowed to go to school or hold a job. For five years, everyone knew I was working towards my doctorate. They began harrassing me three months into the marriage.

When I didn't drop out of school, my SIL and MIL started spreading gossip about me. That only made me want to stay away. I'd get calls from third parties saying that I verbally abused MIL, threatened to hurt her, or scared her.

I haven't spent any time alone with her since.

On Christmas Eve ‘00, my FIL disowned DH, resurrecting the claim that I threatened my MIL. I have never seen her again because I never threatened her and was afraid of what she’d say about me. DH left me that Christmas.

I ended up leaving school with a master's degree.

He came back but our marriage hasn’t been the same since. There is no talking about the future, no planning...nothing. He sulks. He whines. He tells me that all woman are just like his mother and sister; they are stupid and should be ignored. I found solace in this board and other people shared stories of how their in-laws drove their husbands crazy. He promised to get counseling. I'm not sure it got better but he did try...for awhile.

Now, that they've disowned him they claim that I have hypnotized their son not to speak to them. They claim a lot of things. I used to get calls from people who claim my MIL bought our home, so I have no right not to help her in her old age. My in-laws gave us $1,000 for a wedding gift and that money went right into $1,200 parent rings for her and her husband. She didn't buy our home.

That's only one of the crazy things I hear. They claim our middle child was aborted. They tell this to everybody, and once MIL left this false information on our answering machine so that this daughter heard it. To this day, our brilliant daughter likes to joke about being the zombie child.

I try to avoid my in-laws now.

In '07, my husband's uncle died. He went to the funeral without me and came home acting very rudely towards me. He called me his ex and moved into the basement. We’ve slept apart. We live apart. Our lives are separate. He wants to stay together for our daughters.

I did plan on filing for a divorce and started saving money but he was fired from his job in '08. His boss said a lot of the same things about me that his mother did in the unemployment hearing; I fake pain (I have fibromyalgia), it's time for me to get a job (I'd love that), my graduate degree causes DH to be unmotivated....there were other things....I can't think of them now.

Part of me wonders if MIL called this employer, too. If not, hubby was badmouthing me to his boss. I never met the people he worked with. SIL and MIL have a history of calling my bosses, landlords, family members or anyone else that will listen to them complain about me. I wonder....

I beg my husband NOT to tell the family members he still speaks to anything about our lives. I don't think he listens.

Over the years, I've endured telephone harassment from members of his family.

We moved in '01 and changed our number, choosing to keep information from them. She and her mother found our number and have called numerous times to tell me that they know I went to certain doctors on certain days. They threaten to spread slander. They tell me that I must call them or they’ll beat up people I know. I ask my friends to call the police if they are threatened, but no one ever does.

I don’t answer the phone anymore.

My husband claims to have seen his father drive by the house numerous times in the past couple of years in his silver Taurus.

In the past few years, his mother has called to beg me to come over and clear her house because her daughter, who still lives at home, refuses to help. I wish I could help her but she’s not honest in relation to me.

I was afraid to do much publicly due to the stalking. When my husband lost his job and his drive, I decided to come out of hiding in ‘08 and started a business. State law says that I have to advertise using my real name, so I had my name on the door.

In '10, his dear aunt died. I knew her when I was in high school. She was like a second mother to me. My MIL was always nasty to her, so I tried to help her until my MIL started to harass her over speaking to me.

I kept my support of her silent. I made the mistake of going to her funeral and my FIL, MIL, her brother and SIL, three of her kids, and two of her grandchildren literally glared at me. My BIL and his young daughter approached me and I overheard him say to his child, It's okay to talk to Aunt Sheila....she's not the devil!

Shortly after, I would get a call from my husband's cousin saying that they knew where I worked.

Within a week, things started going missing in my waiting room. I’d find my photographs and my business cards strewn in the courtyard beside my office. I didn’t think too much of it at first. Within a month, a man I never met harassed a woman in my office building. He called me evil and demanded private information about me while holding a picture of me. A man fitting the same description was waiting for me outside of a restaurant where I met with a friend for lunch. When I left my friend he approached me to call me Satan.

The police could not do anything. I moved my business and ceased to advertise.

Another confusing aspect to the story is that my SIL and I have the same initials. Our caller IDs both read... S Davis.

She recently called, my teenager answered the phone and was told to have me call a phone number (no name, no message). Not knowing who the caller was, I called and learned that my FIL had stage four lung cancer. I told her I'd have her brother call. It's not my place to interact with them.

The past week, I’ve had several hang up calls. I’ll pick up the phone and hear breathing on the other end. I had four on Sunday and one message on my answering machine sounding like someone breathing for about thirty seconds…

My MIL's phone number has always read ‘private name, private number’ on caller ID.

I think they're going to amp up the drama now that my FIL is sick.

This is the latest drama that brought me here. Years ago, you helped me when DH became abusive after being disowned. He did seek help and it worked, for awhile.

I don't mean to be a lurker. If I don't share much, it is because the things you say are so profound or they strike such a strong chord in me that I have to digest them before formulating coherent thoughts.

Right now, I'm working on taking back my power.

This is crazy. I feel for anyone who has to deal with an overly dramatic MIL and her enmeshed kids with too much time on their hands.

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Mother-In-Law Blog

Comments

  1. TisSheilah's Avatar
    I just noticed that today is our fifteenth wedding anniversary.

    He last remembered in 2008; there were no gifts only a hastily ordered hamburger from Denny's.

    Let's see what happens this year....
  2. Skooter's Avatar
    You need professional help. You have willingly stayed in a seriously harmful relationship for way, way too long. Get counseling. Good luck.
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