Blog Comments

  1. modlaurel's Avatar
    What is a PM

    PM refers to our Private Message system. This is an internal message system, similar to email that lets a registered logged in poster send a private message to another registered logged in member. This system is only available to registered members, and only whilst logged in.

    One advantage of the PM system versus email, is that it keeps your privacy. You can communicate as <poster name>, versus whoever you are in real life. Another is that since it is part of Board,unless someone gets into your Board account they can't read your PMs.

    PMs are used for all sorts of reasons. Some people use them exclusively for friendship based communication with other Board members. There is nothing wrong with that, but it is far from the only use for PMs.

    Another frequent use is for one poster to send information to another that they don't want shared with anyone and everyone who goes online. For instance, sending intimate details of a problem to a poster with expertise in that matter.

    Some things that break our posting rules may be sent via PM, such as real world names, phone numbers, links to your blog, etc. However, you should not have to tolerate Spam, bullying, etc. in your PM. If that should happens, or you receive a PM that in any way makes you uncomfortable, please feel free to forward it directly to any of the mods. We will treat it like any other item we receive an Alert on - and that extends all the way to the possibility of banning the sender. Our primary Rule on the message boards has always been "Respect", and it is NOT okay for that rule to be broken via PM.

    The PM system is very easy to access. If you are logged in,you will find a link on the main forum page, on the left hand side in the blue-gray bar underneath the dark green bar on the top of the page, next to the link for new posts. Or, here is the URL:[URL][/URL]

    You start out with a Inbox and a Sent Mail box – you can add others if you want. The system will help you download your PMs in a variety of different formats. Depending on how much you use the PM system, you may have to clean out your mailbox every now and then. The system lets you store only a set number of messages.

    Note: you are not required to use the PM system, and in fact, you can turn it off. In yourGeneral Settings you can make the following choices:
    • Private Messaging:
      • Private Messaging on
      • Private Messaging off
    • Receive Private Messaging:
      • Only from Contacts and Moderators
      • From all members
    You may limit the receipt of private messages to just moderators and your Contacts. Other members who attempt to send messages to you will be told that you have disabled private messaging.
    • Email Notification of New Private Messages:
      • Receive Email Notification of new Private Messages
      • Don't receive Email Notification of new Private Messages
    The forum can send a message to your email address to inform you when someone sends you a private message.
    • New Private Message Notification Pop-up:
      • Show New Private Message Notification Pop-up
      • Don't show New Private Message Notification Pop-up
    If you are browsing the forums when you receive a new private message, the system can pop-up a notification box informing you of the new message.
    • Sent Private Messages:
      • Save a copy of sent messages in my Sent Items folder by default
      • Don't save a copy of sent messages
    When sending private messages the forum can make a copy of the message in your Sent Items folder.

    As with many of our software features, the PM system is a useful tool for many, but not all of us. Hopefully this will give you enough information so you can make an informed choice for yourself.

    See you next week!

    The Mod Squad
  2. modlaurel's Avatar
    This week's thought is a guest thought from the Powers That Be


    Why it Benefits You to Register

    Here at motherinlawstories we want everyone to be able to participate in the way that meets their needs.That is why we don't require registration now, and do not intend to ever do so. However, while you are welcome to take part even if you are not a registered poster, registration offers many benefits. In no special order, here are some of them.

    If you want to start a thread, or post to one, many more forums will be open to you. While anyone can read the forums, only registered users can start threads or post in most of the forums.

    You can edit your posts. Any post you make while you are logged in, can be edited by you any time you are logged in. This editing includes the ability to delete your entire post.

    You can set your viewing preferences the way you want them, and they will stay that way. This includes how many posts on a page, how the posts on a thread are ordered, what time zone is displayed, and more.

    You can turn on private messaging (PM). Private messaging is an internal mail system that works between registered members of this board.

    If you are registered and permit PMs and/or emails from the moderators, we can contact you. This can be very important in several situations.
    1. If you mess up, but not badly, we can send you a warning letter. Otherwise, our only option is banning.
    2. If we have to remove one of your posts, we can contact you and explain why. Often posts get removed when the poster has done nothing wrong. Instead, she is responding and/or quoting a deleted post, and her post no longer makes sense.
    3. When there is a need to reach you, that we feel should be kept private.

    You have a post count. Other posters are more likely to heed the advice of a poster who has been posting here for awhile. One of the ways they judge that is by post count. It is far from the only way, and we urge everyone to post, no matter how new they are. But, it is true that is one way people are judged. If you post from more than one location, and cannot log in at all of them, register at the location where you can log in. When you post from a location where you can't log in, use poster name nli (not logged in). While it won't change your post count, it will let people on the board know it is you who are posting.

    You will have a consistent name, and people will know who it is who is talking to them. This makes it easier for them to respond to you.

    You have the ability to block posts, emails, and PMs from other registered users.

    You can use the alert function, which is private and fast, unlike the Contact Us forum, to notify us about spam posts and problematic ones.

    You can set up email notification of replies to posts, and threads that you specify.

    You can use the New Posts link, which gives you a listing of all threads that have been created or updated since your last visit, or when you last read them.

    There are more options in the Quick Links Menu, including Subscribed Threads.

    You can have a personalized signature, which will automatically appear at the bottom of all your posts.

    There is also an urban legend about not posting that we'd like to address.

    Not registering protects me from being caught by people who know me from real life. Not really. If someone thinks you are posting here, they will track you by your background, not by your poster name. This assumes you are not using a name which you are known by in real life. We have had posters tracked down here. However, the mother-in-law in several cases, identified the wrong poster as their daughter-in-law. Remember, while your story may seem unique to you, in many cases it is a “oft told tale”.

    If you are concerned about being stalked here, your best defense is to change some of your personal details. For instance, change the number and gender of your children. Your occupation, your spouse's occupation, and where you live. Changing or blurring your personal details will do a better job of protecting you from online stalkers than not registering.

    We want to emphasize once more, that registration is NOT required, nor will it ever be. But, it does have many benefits.
  3. modlaurel's Avatar
    Re: Moderators' Thoughts of the Week

    For the last thought of the year, the Mod Squad would like to thank the A Team – our Alert Team. These are the helpful posters who, when seeing spam or other posting related problems, (trolls, mean girls, attacking posts, threads in the wrong forum, etc) sends us an Alert, posts a note in Contact Us, or sends us a PM or email, letting us know about the problem. Without the ongoing support of these marvelous volunteers, we'd find it a lot harder to do our jobs.

    There are too many people who are part of the A Team for us to list them; I would be afraid of leaving someone(s) out. But rest assured we appreciate the help from each and every one!

    You too can be a member of the A Team and get our undying gratitude. It is easy to do, and doesn't cost a cent. Better yet, it helps make this Board a more pleasant place for everyone. All you have to do is this:

    1 Spot a problematic post (spam, a post from a troll, a post attacking another poster, etc.).

    2 If you are a registered poster and logged in, hit the Alert Button. It is the triangle with an exclamation point on it, on the left hand side of the gray bar underneath the post. It is the same bar that has the reply buttons on the right hand side.

    3 When you get to the Alert page, fill in the message box and hit send.

    4 If you're not registered or logged in, post about the problem in the Contact Us Forum. While it will take us longer to see it there, than if you send an Alert, we will see it.

    5 Send us an email or PM, describing the problem. You can email the Mods at<modname> at The names of the moderators are listed after the name of the Forum on the Forum page at:[URL][/URL]

    Tips for everyone - not just members or would-be members of the A Team

    Don't respond to trolls. They are looking for attention, and don't care if it is negative or positive.

    If spam is posted, try to avoid posting in the thread until we get rid of the spam. It's faster for us to find the spam if it's the most recent post in the thread.

    If a poster is being personally attacked, versus her/ his opinion, let us know. Please don't turn around and attack the attacker(s). All that does is make the situation worse.

    Best wishes to everyone for a peaceful, happy and troublesome in-law and FOO free 2013!

    See you next week!

    The Mod Squad
  4. Whoever's Avatar
    Sadly, it is not step-MIL who destroyed the father-son relationship. It was FIL who allowed that to happen. If he had been a father and told his wife he would not allow her to destroy his relationship with his son nor would he allow her to treat you, his son and his grandchildren with such disrespect, there would be no problem. The father-son relationship existed long before step-MIL ever came into the picture.
  5. TexasDawn's Avatar
    Chiming in VERY late, but my opinions are the complete opposite of mharborgirls. Sounds like your husband was being a selfish, rude jerk. I wouldn't have darkened the kitchen door until all his stew was gone. Lulu sounds obnoxious. I despise it when people take go to Facebook to slap someone in the face. She knew you would read that and know that it was aimed at you. Nasty. Your daughter is sick, so you asked her sister if she was okay? That just makes you a mom who cares. The woman at the class? You should have smiled sweetly at her and said, "Goodness, that sure came across ugly. Hope you didn't really mean it that way!"

    If you had been here that day, I'd have given you a hug and apologized that you had to live through such a mean day.

  6. CloudJumper's Avatar
    I have very similar problems with my FMIL. The ONLY thing that makes it manageable is that DF and I are on the same page and provide a unified front against her. He stands up for me and never gives into her ridiculous requests or manipulations. If this doesn't happen for you now, it will never happen. While it is possible to make it work between you and DF, you are in for A LOT of problems. If you feel that the problems are worth battling through because you can't imagine your future life without DF, then ok, go through with it. If not, then run like hell!
  7. Skooter's Avatar
    Dump your husband.
  8. Skooter's Avatar
    I very much appreciate you sharing this information. I've always wondered what the Finnish system was like, having heard brief references to it by a Finnish friend. It's encouraging to know that at least one country is sane and civilized enough to provide this kind of health care. What a great break for you to be part of this system. Thank you and best of luck.
  9. Skooter's Avatar
    Run for your life. Run like an Olympic sprinter setting a new world's record. Seriously. You have no idea the world of pain and insanity that awaits you if you stay.
  10. taffy's Avatar
    Run. You bent over backward for this guy and his family only to be treated badly. This is going to get worse. You BF doesn't have control over his life, his mother does. If this were me, I'd tell him to get back and keep that control or I am out here.
  11. Random Internet stranger's Avatar
    If you have to ask, you know the answer. He doesn't stck up for you. Are you a team making your way through the world, helping each other whenever needed? No, and it's not going to get better.
  12. Renyg11's Avatar
    Run, Forest, run!!! Is this really what you want to marry into?
  13. caranfin's Avatar
    You already know the answer to this. RUN.

    He is not going to change. His parents are not going to change. If you're not willing to accept them the way they are right now (and God, you SHOULD NOT BE), don't marry him hoping things will get better. They won't. Cut your losses now and RUN.
  14. sj1980's Avatar
    Actually what I'm thinking is why the heck don't you find a way to move out?
  15. ARGENT SNAIL's Avatar
    It is not a perfect system, but I think most people do better than under the US system. In both systems you have people who are unhappy, or get less than optimal care, but in general it is a lot better under this system than the US.

    Because a lot of the profit motive is missing in health care, there are lots of unexpected benefits. For instance, when you have a baby you can stay in the hospital up to one week, if you want. It is not required, but it is available. The babies room with the mother and the father can be with the mother all the time, so it lets the mother get support and rest should she wish it. And in big cities such as Helsinki, there is a separate hospital just for giving birth, so there is little exposure to typical hospital germs. Obviously they can't do it out in the country where they might deliver one baby a week, but where they have the population to support it, they do.

    Oh yes, mothers typically use a midwife when having a baby, but a doctor is always available if necessary. The Finnish infant mortality average for the last three years was tied for 5th lowest place with Norway, while the USA's was 35th, showing the Finnish to be doing a lot better than the USA.
  16. insaneintheMILbrain's Avatar
    Wow! So different than US. If we had that system here DH's care would be totally different. Thanks for writing about it.
  17. insaneintheMILbrain's Avatar
    Hi! I just found blogs on here. If you are still doing it, my DH wants to know about medical care and higher education. Thanks.
  18. Pamme64's Avatar
    The stress of being a cancer patient is not something you can begin to understand until you have lived it or have been the support person of a cancer patient. Poor Birdy.

    Maybe it is time for her to block these idiots.
  19. caranfin's Avatar
    << He hung up the phone, looked at Birdy and said “your mother will kill my mother, and I don’t want to be responsible.”>>

    Well, apparently the dear boy does have a tiny lick of sense.
  20. mharbourgirl's Avatar
    One of those weeks, is it? Deep breaths, honey. This too shall pass. Now take a look at everything you've written and identify the flaws in your logic.

    Your DH is human. He's going to have his ridiculous moments and as frustrating as they are, they're really not that big of a deal in the long run. Ignore his moaning about doing household chores. As long as he does them, you don't have to take his whining personally, because it's not. He's just having a lazy moment and KNOWS he's being a twit. As for the stew thing, well, HE's going to be the one eating it, so if it tastes bad that's all on him. Why someone would cook a giant pot of stew and fix it so people won't eat it is beyond me, though. That's REALLY stupid. The point of cooking is to eat the stuff that's cooked, that's WHY you cook. So he's just being an idiot. Tell him he'd BETTER eat that entire batch, because wasting money on food just isn't on. And then forget about it. Really, forget about it. It's an attention-getting ploy, that's all, and you know better than to give him the attention he's childishly seeking.

    As for your daughters, I'm surprised at you, Shiksa. Look at what you just wrote. Why are you expecting Lulu to be the social secretary for Birdy? Yes, things are tough for Birdy right now, I have tons of sympathy for her. But you need to give her space too. She will see your number on her phone if she wasn't able/willing to answer it at that moment, and she'll call you back when she's up for it, I'm quite certain. Stop putting poor Lulu in the middle and then getting upset when SHE gets upset at you. Lulu IS worried about her sister, but I don't think she's supposed to monitor Birdy's every twitch and breath. Your daughters are adults. Do them the credit of treating them as such and give them their space. Respect Lulu's desire NOT to be the watchdog for Birdy. I think that will go a long way towards easing the tension between you.

    The woman in your class - honey, some people are just arses. Now you know that she's not interested in any sort of friendly relationship with you, you can consign her to oblivion in your head and get on with the class. She is truly not worth wasting energy on with a reaction like that. Same with old friend who digs up 30-year-old dirt on high school classmates. That's a juvenile, immature thing to do and now you know what sort of a person she really is. Not the sort of person you want in your life, because who's to say she's not dropping little nasty gems about YOU to other people? Cut her out of your life and call it a day. She's shown you who she really is - believe her.

    I've had the week from hell too, honey, I am nothing but sympathetic. I just think you need to step back and examine things from a slightly broader viewpoint. You're starting to take things far too personally - that's not healthy in the long run.

    Now go be nice to yourself for a while - bubble bath, long walk, indulgent dessert, whatever will lift your spirits, and remember that there are a whole lot of people who love you, both here and in your family. Your husband loves you, your daughters love you, even if they're getting up your nose right now. Just make sure that you aren't also getting up THEIR noses, and eventually things will settle down.

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