POSTED 21 NOV 2010 - from FFH page

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Thanksgiving Story: My DH's family usually splits up for Thanksgiving. His parents go to his maternal grandmother's for lunch (as well as the rest of MIL's siblings/cousins etc.), and to his paternal grandmother's for dinner (and the rest of FIL's siblings/cousins etc.). It's one or the other, and I believe they switch lunch/dinner every other year or something.

Anyway, maternal GMIL is the one DH and I lived with for 3 months (the one that kicked my 10-week old puppy when she was healing from a dog attack).

She used to live in one of her son's double-wide trailers until he stopped giving in to her using him to pay for all sorts of unneeded repairs, and he raised the rent/bills to deal with it all. She moved out before the end of 2009, so she didn't have a Thanksgiving celebration in 2009. I believe that was his intention and I don't think they talk anymore. Since then she still hasn't had a Thanksgiving celebration. From what I understand, the vast majority of her children don't like her, but they WILL use her for baby-sitting, etc. Otherwise, she wouldn't see the GCs.

We weren't concerned this year (2010) about dealing with maternal GMIL (or paternal GMIL) for Thanksgiving, BUT DH did tell me that we'd been invited to paternal GMIL's for some Thanksgiving thing. DH actually had work, so he couldn't attend.

Not long after he told me about the event, we went to paternal GMIL's to mow the lawn and put up some vertical blinds for her. She's not much of a user in that department. She's actually quite a capable woman and pretty good with computers, too. She's at least in her 70's, so she's pretty good. She's just not very tall or stable enough to stand on a ladder to drill into the wall, etc. DH had no issue helping her.

While there, she mentioned Thanksgiving and how she was waiting on people to reply. She mentioned that she'd told FIL, but hadn't heard back. She had to call MIL, thinking FIL had forgotten to tell her about it. But, she still didn't have a reply.

DH had told me he told pat-GMIL about the issues with MIL and being part of the family. She knows EXACTLY what we're talking about, and is (so I know now) okay with confronting people when she wants to know something or do what she thinks is right. So I told pat-GMIL, "I know you know DH's not coming to Thanksgiving, but thought I should tell you that I won't be coming either. I just don't want to try and deal with the whole 'MIL' situation without DH there." She said she understood completely.

In the car, on the way back to our place, I told DH what I had told pat-GMIL about dinner, and he completely understood, of course. He didn't think I'd want to go alone.

It was a good thing that I told him about it, because the next day he got a call/text from his dad and sister about it. Apparently, pat-GMIL had decided to approach MIL about our strained relationship, and that pissed off MIL. She then yelled at FIL, who told DH that I was permitted to feel how I feel, and that he understands, but could I please not discuss the situation with family members because they gossip. WTH??

I know they gossip. I didn't expect this pat-GMIL to gossip (now I know), but you're actually telling me that it's okay for her to treat us bad, but I'm supposed to shut up about it? His whole family is like that, "She's always been like this, so we're more used to it." It doesn't enter their heads that they SHOULDN'T be given the chance to GET used to it. If they'd corrected the behavior before it got this bad, we might not be where we are now. Sigh.

Signed - Thanksgiving - I Am Thankful I Tell DH Everything!!

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