sykadelic

POSTED 28 NOV 2010 - from FFH page

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Now, we come to one of the most recent issues: When DH and I moved back to his home state (6 months after being married), MIL offered for us to live with her, FIL, and 16 year old SIL, until we found our own place. She knew we were looking for a place to live. We, of course, accepted (little did I know it was a BAD idea!). We moved in in April.

I, being an immigrant, wasn't able to work just yet. My work permit and/or green card had not arrived. I was also unable to drive, because I only had my license from my native country, and insurers don't like foreign licenses.

I was stuck around the house all day and quite bored, as you can understand. There's only so much TV and internet you can do. So, after about a week or so, I started doing the dishes every morning. I also collected the mail from the mail box, changed the trash bag when it was full, and swapped it for an empty one, took their 3 dogs out to use the bathroom, and walked the dogs on occasion. Each night, before bed, I would ensure that the dishes were removed from the living room, etc., and pick up the trash. I did all this without being asked, thinking it was a good thing to do.

About a month after we had started living there, MIL left a note for us on the kitchen bench. It was addressed to DH only. I took a photo of this letter to remind myself about it and to keep as evidence.

Side note: my ex-BF was emotionally abusive, and I've since taken to keeping logs/evidence any time I feel abused/attacked so that I remember it and don't go back to where I convince myself it wasn't "that bad".

The note said, "Don't forget snakes, etc., all your other stuff needs to be out of the spare bedroom by Saturday morning (they will have to go where you are not or give them away). Plan on not (underlined "not") putting anything back in there, and I want to know the status of your apartment hunting - it's been over a month. Love you, but you need your own place. Also - the room you're in now is smelly, Love Mom".

So, that needs a bit of explaining. DH and I have two snakes. They're king snakes. They're not big enough to eat children or anything like that. They have no fangs, just razor sharp tiny teeth, and are most definitely secure. MIL had us put them in the spare bedroom, because the movement apparently freaks her out. She said she's NOT scared of them. No, of course not.

One of the snakes used to be SIL's (the SIL who doesn't live at home). DH took custody of the snake, as SIL left it for little SIL to look after. It was quite undernourished and mean (from not being handled). While it was living, it was no existence.

MIL wrote "don't forget" to move the snakes, but she'd never told us to that. We knew SIL was coming to stay, for a little bit, and needed the room, so we did expect that she would mention it. She was well aware that we were in the middle of negotiations for buying a house. Just because we didn't tell her "no news" every day, didn't mean anything. We always told her if there was news.

The smelly room comment ticked me off. We were not allowed to leave the door open for it to air out. It was a tiny room that had all her sh!t in it, and we had to keep our box turtle and hamster in our room.

We just kinda laughed off the letter. I started organizing our room and tried to get the two snakes to fit in the room with us, her ####, and the other animals. After DH went off to work, I hopped on a social networking site. MIL was "friends" with me on the site, as were my two SILs. The first thing I noticed was a status change to "knows a young couple looking for somewhere to stay" and young SIL had "liked" the comment. I was FURIOUS! I didn't want to text DH, because I knew it would tick him off, so I waited till he got home.

It turned out that DH had news for me, too. The SIL, who used to own one of the snakes, texted DH, out of the blue, telling him that she was taking the snake back. He was furious. As far as he was concerned, it was his snake now. They argued back and forth, via text, about how it wasn't going to happen. Eventually, DH was able to talk to SIL over the phone. It turns out that MIL either called or texted (can't remember which now) to tell her that we were giving the snake away! WTH? DH explained to her that that was not the case, and they were able to resolve the argument.

I then told him (and showed him) what his mother had said on the social site. He was even further incensed, but told me the line that I've grown to despise, "Oh well, that's what she's like." We just never mentioned anything, and moved the snakes before the deadline.

I (or DH) mentioned once to MIL about all the stuff I'd been doing around the house. Her reply was, "None of that benefits me. That's FIL's job."

Fast-forward another month. It was a public holiday (end of May). I usually awoke at 10 or 10.30 am each morning. My alarm went off at 10 am, and I was snoozing when DH walked in. I thought it was sweet that he was coming to make sure I woke up. That's not why he walked in. He had just received a text from his mother stating, "The dishes need to be done, lawn needs to be mowed. We don't have the luxury of sleeping and mooching all day." Followed by, "The move out deadline was 1st June, hope you have something lined up." We'd never been told about a deadline, and, the night before, MIL had cleaned out the fridge and left ALL the food storage containers, WITH food in them, on the bench near the sink. I took a photo of the sink, too. DH replied with "F*** that. We did it last time and it's not our mess." She replied, "Don't tell me to F*** off." She also wrote a text about him bringing "a stranger into my home", and how we never did any cleaning around the house.

Her best message was, "Get out! If you're not out by the time I get home, I am calling the sheriff and having you arrested for trespassing." DH never replied to that message. We called around, and had a friend take the snakes and other animals. We moved in with MIL's mother (GMIL). DH has not spoken to MIL since then, the 30th of May. I have spoken to her, via text message, when a reply was required to a text she sent DH, and once in person when I took a visiting friend to meet FIL. MIL was home, so I didn't want to make my friend uncomfortable by leaving.

She refuses to apologize, and I'm being made to feel like we're invisible. FIL keeps saying, "That's what she's like," and that DH should know that that's what she's like and stop waiting for her to apologize. DH said that he is done. Even if she was to apologize now, he probably wouldn't accept it, because she waited too long.

Signed - She's Like That Because You LET Her Be That Way!

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