Get Married or Run?

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I have been with my current boyfriend for 3 years. During the beginning of our relationship I got along with his parents my FILS great. I would stay with them when I worked close their home. I would meet them for dinner, movies etc. I still always thought they were a little nuts and over protective of my BF but, I actually enjoyed being around them.
About a year ago, my BF got a grad assistant position with a college a few states away. My parents who I was currently living with my first year out of college decided to sell their house and move far away from my job at the time. My BF asked me to move with him and my FLS encouraged it. I decided to do this and gave a 2 month noticed at work and searched for new jobs.
During this time my relationship with my FLS completely changed. My FML started packing up old stuff from my BF’s deceased grandmother of decorations for our new apartment. They went and picked out our new apartment. I didn’t care that they picked out the new apartment because I trusted my BF’s taste and I was unable to get off work to travel. My FLS started to argue with me about arrangements. My FLS were supporting my BF through his Grad Assistant Program. They weren’t paying for his school but were going to pay for everything else. They wanted to pay the rent and have me pay utilities. I wanted to split everything down the middle and they said no including my BF. I eventually caved. I found out that my FML put the utilities in my BF’s name. I finally stood up for myself and said that if I was going to pay bills then they needed to be in my name. She told me that I wouldn’t be able to set up an account because I was straight out of college and wouldn’t have enough credit. I told her I would worry about that. So, I set up my own account for the electric, TV, and internet. When I got to my new home I found out my name wasn’t even on the lease and the business office had no idea I was supposed to live there.
We were put on a waiting list to get an apartment. During this time my boyfriend stayed on campus at his new school. He was unaware of what was going on at the time. I didn’t know how to bring it up to him. The apartment business office called his parents and said we could move in a few weeks earlier than expected. I was unable to get off work because I had put my notice in 2 months prior to move in earlier. His parents packed an entire moving truck of all their old stuff that they had previously asked if we needed and I had polity said no I have bought that already. My FML is a clutter rat and saves everything and loves decorations on every inch of wall space. I am the total opposite. I had even taken her home shopping with me so she could feel included. They had sent me photos of a bed they found off Craig’s list. It was really old, had a mirror in the head board with lights all the way around it. They asked me if I wanted it and I had said no thanks we will find a head board together. They bought it anyways and when I had gotten to my new apartment. The entire apartment was decorated exactly how my FML wanted it. There were professional football decorations everywhere from my BF’s old bedroom after him and I agreed that he would get a man cave in apartment for that stuff. MY FNL’s told me I should get use to living in a home with football decorations everywhere.
They randomly came down on my birthday weekend and stayed right across the street from our apartment. They also decided to wreck our Thanksgiving plans that my BF had came up with on his own. He had asked if we could stay in our new apartment and spend it together just the two of us. I agreed and went out and bought a Turkey and all the Thanksgiving fixings. The Monday before Thanksgiving he tells me his parents are on their way and are taking us to a buffet for Thanksgiving dinner and couldn’t understand why I was so upset. I almost flew home to VA to spend it with my parents but I realized that’s exactly what my FML wanted. So, I stayed and dealt with them for a few days.
They bash my religion and when I tell them its offensive they tell me I am really not Southern Baptist because I was raised in VA. I reached out a few months after Thanksgiving and started talking to my FML again. In March my BF had his birthday, I told my FML I was excited to make him a homemade ice cream cake. My BF came home from work on his birthday with the biggest sheet cake I have ever seen and said his mom had it delivered to his work and said she randomly called him a thousand times so he would cut me a piece so I could try it.
I had packed up all the items that my FML had sent down to decorate our house with when she knew I had already purchased the same thing. I didn’t want to throw away their stuff because I knew I would never hear the end of it. When they came down on my birthday weekend. My BF was at work when they were leaving so I helped them carry their stuff out to the car. They didn’t have enough room in their SUV because it was loaded down with junk she was taking to her father in law that lives close to us. My FFL started cussing me out for giving them back their stuff. I told him there was a dumpster in the parking lot and I could have put it there instead of giving it back, they knew we didn’t need that stuff but had decorated our house that way anyways. That is probably the most disrespectful I have ever been to them.
My FML has her name on every single bank account my BF has. My FFL sued someone when my BF was younger because he ran over to the neighbor’s house and picked up a firework when he was a kid. My BF has no scars or damage from this accident. But, my FFL told me that I should be grateful that we have $50,000 for a down payment on a home when we get married. My BF has no idea where this money is or how to access it. He said my FML had him sign a paper when he was 18 and she did something with it. I make my own money and we are not married so it doesn’t affect me but, I would like him to gain control over his own money and accounts so he can make his own decisions and not have to answer for purchases. My BF is a 24 year old man.
My BF came home with a stuffed pig that turns into a pillow for 5 year olds. He told me I didn’t like it because his mother recently gave it to him. I told him it had nothing to do with his mother. I thought it was strange that a 24 year old man wanted to have a stuffed animal and that it wasn’t hot. Just reminded me how dependent he is on his parents. My FML told him I was jealous of her.
My BF constantly talks about getting married and plans to get me a ring once he graduates and can save for a ring. I want to get married but I am afraid he will always allow his parents to invade our privacy. My FML believes and has brainwashed my BF into believing that when we have children they will have a second middle name and it will be her maiden name. I lol when my BF told me this and I told him he was crazy. That if I carried a child in my body for 9 months and gave birth to it that everyone needed to realize that it would OUR child and if it had anyone’s maiden name in their middle name that it would be mine. My BF responded with I had a brother and his mom didn’t have brothers. I told him that wasn’t my problem. If he wanted to name a child after himself and keep the same middle name then that was fine. He doesn’t want to name a child after himself.
Please give me advice. Do I get married next year or do I run far away?

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  1. caranfin's Avatar
    You already know the answer to this. RUN.

    He is not going to change. His parents are not going to change. If you're not willing to accept them the way they are right now (and God, you SHOULD NOT BE), don't marry him hoping things will get better. They won't. Cut your losses now and RUN.
  2. Renyg11's Avatar
    Run, Forest, run!!! Is this really what you want to marry into?
  3. Random Internet stranger's Avatar
    If you have to ask, you know the answer. He doesn't stck up for you. Are you a team making your way through the world, helping each other whenever needed? No, and it's not going to get better.
  4. taffy's Avatar
    Run. You bent over backward for this guy and his family only to be treated badly. This is going to get worse. You BF doesn't have control over his life, his mother does. If this were me, I'd tell him to get back and keep that control or I am out here.
  5. Skooter's Avatar
    Run for your life. Run like an Olympic sprinter setting a new world's record. Seriously. You have no idea the world of pain and insanity that awaits you if you stay.
  6. CloudJumper's Avatar
    I have very similar problems with my FMIL. The ONLY thing that makes it manageable is that DF and I are on the same page and provide a unified front against her. He stands up for me and never gives into her ridiculous requests or manipulations. If this doesn't happen for you now, it will never happen. While it is possible to make it work between you and DF, you are in for A LOT of problems. If you feel that the problems are worth battling through because you can't imagine your future life without DF, then ok, go through with it. If not, then run like hell!
  7. Jenny Smith's Avatar
    I wonder what she did? Did she run or are they still together?
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