sbd

I don't want to hate her but I do

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by , Aug 30, 2013 at 07:10 AM (3865 Views)
I'm new to this forum and I've been searching for something like this to vent out my frustration.I'm 31 and married for 5 months now. My parents in law are living in another state and I had an experience of living with them for 20 days right after my wedding as all the family including my husbands married brother and sister came to stay with us along with their kids. I git married with the hope of forming good relations with my in laws but they could not manage to form a good impression on me in the very beginning of getting to know each other. Like right after we got married, my husband refuse to go for honey moon because we both had vacations for 20 days only and he wanted to spend those 20 days with his parents. he said he spent all his savings on our wedding and didn't even buy me a wedding gift. Not just that, Me and my husband never had a chance to go out on our own as my in-laws especially my MIL made sure she accompany us everywhere. every time we went out, she would run before me to take a passenger seat next to my husband in the car making me sit on the backseat Those 20 days i spent with them as a brand new bride were so frustrating. she used to make plan of eating out very day and made sure my husband pays the bill. there was just one single time my brother in law who's elder than my husband offered to pay the bill but my mother in law openly told him that he's not gonna pay and only my husband would pay. there was also a moment when they planned to go out and my husband told her that we want to stay at home; she made a big fuss out f it saying she too would stay at home in that case and almost picked a fight with my husband. There was only one day when I stayed in my bedroom in the evening and I didn't want to go out and take part in their family discussions but that made her very angry. she told me if I'm not sitting out with the their relatives would think i don't want to mingle so I better come out of my room. please note that my in laws are very chatty and I'm a very quite person it was very hard for me to make sure i give every second of my "should be honey moon days" to them. she used to go out for shopping so often and spent my husband's money like water. not just that, while she was leaving she asked my husband to give her, her daughter and her elder son's wife very expensive jewellery gifts that my husband ran out of every single penny he had. i was too surprised to see the amount he took out to buy the gifts as it could have afforded us a very lavish honey moon that I don't long for any more. I might be wrong but I have a very strong feeling that she wanted my husband to run out of every single penny so that he's not left with anything to spend on me. there was a moment when I asked my husband to bring a bin for our bedroom while he was going out for something and my MIL asked him not to bring it, and that right in front of me. I couldn't say a word of resistance. I started going to work after fifteen days of her wedding while they were still at our place; my mother i law never seemed to consider i might need to sit for 5 or 10 minutes after i come home from office; instead she would start giving me instruction as to clean the table, serve the guests, do some cooking, make us tea etc as soon as I used to enter the house. she also pointed out on my clothes and assumed i should wear only what she thinks is right to wear. after they had gone I'm still in pain as my husband call them every night and talk to them for an hour or more and makes sure i talk to her for an hour too. she inquires us about every second we have spent and my husband passes out every bit of information including if we have gone for a movie or dinner. its making me sick as she always sounds down when she gets to know we are having a good time. now we don't go out at all, she calls even during odd timings to check if we are at home or not. she usually calls at night and despite she knows we get up early in the morning to go for work she talks for hours with me and my husband due to which I fell ill and sleepy at workplace. she tells us daily what we should cook and how we should cook; what should I give my husband to eat and when should i visit whom. I have to spend all my holidays with my mother in law's relatives including her mother (my husband's grand mother) my MIL's uncles and siblings families as she instructs my husband and he makes sure we go there or invite them. I feel so frustrated as I done feel like having a control over my life. I feel frustrated and ill and I've developed some kind of hatred for her now that even a thought of talking to her on phone makes me feel sick. I don't want to see her face ever again but they have plans to spend six months with us every year. I feel miserable as I know I cant get rid of her. i sometimes feel like separating from my husband just to get rid of her. Please know that I'm a very coward person and I don't have guts to tell my husband and in laws how much i hate their interference. please note that one day when we wanted to spend time with each other she called us like crazy to make sure my husband goes to airport to see off her brother's son who was leaving for other country. there's not a day she can live without knowing what we are up to. I feel like committing suicide to get rid of her.

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  1. sbd's Avatar
    I'm new to this forum and I've been searching for something like this to vent out my frustration.I'm 31 and married for 5 months now. My parents in law are living in another state and I had an experience of living with them for 20 days right after my wedding as all of the inlaw's family including my husband's married brother and sister came to stay with us along with their kids. I git married with the hope of forming good relations with my in laws but they could not manage to form a good impression on me in the very beginning of getting to know each other. Like right after we got married, my husband refuse to go for honey moon because we both had vacations for 20 days only and he wanted to spend those 20 days with his parents. he said he spent all his savings on our wedding and didn't even buy me a wedding gift. Not just that, Me and my husband never had a chance to go out on our own as my in-laws especially my MIL made sure she accompany us everywhere. every time we went out, she would run before me to take a passenger seat next to my husband in the car making me sit on the backseat Those 20 days i spent with them as a brand new bride were so frustrating. she used to make plan of eating out very day and made sure my husband pays the bill. there was just one single time my brother in law who's elder than my husband offered to pay the bill but my mother in law openly told him that he's not gonna pay and only my husband would pay. there was also a moment when they planned to go out and my husband told her that we want to stay at home; she made a big fuss out of it saying she too would stay at home in that case and almost picked a fight with my husband. There was only one day when I stayed in my bedroom in the evening and I didn't want to go out and take part in their family discussions but that made her very angry. she told me if I'm not sitting out with their relatives would think i don't want to mingle so I better come out of my room. please note that my in laws are very chatty and I'm a very quite person it was very hard for me to make sure i give every second of my "should be honey moon days" to them. she used to go out for shopping so often and spent my husband's money like water. not just that, while she was leaving she asked my husband to give her, her daughter and her elder son's wife very expensive jewellery gifts that my husband ran out of every single penny he had. i was too surprised to see the amount he took out to buy those gifts as it could have afforded us a very lavish honey moon that I don't long for any more. I might be wrong but I have a very strong feeling that she wanted my husband to run out of every single penny so that he's not left with anything to spend on me. there was a moment when I asked my husband to bring a bin for our bedroom while he was going out for something and my MIL asked him not to bring it, and that also right in front of me. I couldn't say a word of resistance. I started going to work after fifteen days of our wedding while they were still at our place; my mother in law never seemed to consider i might need to sit for 5 or 10 minutes after i come home from office; instead she would start giving me instruction as to clean the table, serve the guests, do some cooking, make us tea etc as soon as I used to enter the house. she also pointed out on my clothes and assumed i should wear only what she thinks is right to wear. after they had gone I'm still in pain as my husband call them every night and talk to them for an hour or more and makes sure i talk to her for an hour too. she inquires us about every second we have spent and my husband passes out every bit of information including if we have gone for a movie or dinner. its making me sick as she always sounds down when she gets to know we are having a good time. now we don't go out at all, she calls even during odd timings to check if we are at home or not. she usually calls at night and despite she knows we get up early in the morning to go for work she talks for hours with me and my husband due to which I feell ill and sleepy at workplace. she tells us daily what we should cook and how we should cook; what should I give my husband to eat and when should i visit whom. I have to spend all my holidays with my mother in law's relatives including her mother (my husband's grand mother) my MIL's uncles and siblings families as she instructs my husband and he makes sure we go there or invite them. I feel so frustrated as I dont feel like having a control over my life. I feel frustrated and ill and I've developed some kind of hatred for her now that even a thought of talking to her on phone makes me feel sick. I don't want to see her face ever again but they have plans to spend six months with us every year. I feel miserable as I know I cant get rid of her. i sometimes feel like separating from my husband just to get rid of her. Please know that I'm a very coward person and I don't have guts to tell my husband and in laws how much i hate their interference. She is interfering to the extent one day when we wanted to spend time with each other as we had a holiday and she knew, she called us like crazy to make sure my husband goes to airport to see off her brother's son who was leaving for other country. there's not a day she can live without knowing what we are up to. I feel like committing suicide to get rid of her. My husband is so much a mom's boy that once he left me in bed while we were making out only to attend his mother's phone call. I feel I'll die if she doesn't stop interfering in our life. lease advise if my decision of separating from m husband is right; I now he cant be any different than what he is right now as he clearly told me that even if my siblings and parents take every thing I own, its their right. I feel neglected as mine was a lover marriage and my husband used to treat me like a princess before our wedding. my husband never gets tired of buying gifts for them as they keep on sending s that list and their mortgage and insurance bills etc. I take care of my own expenses and my husband has hardly bought me anything since we've got married. he's always short of money due to the burden his family has posed on him. when I put my phone on silence to avoid her calls, she makes my SIL call who's as good as her mother in taking every bit of information including where we are going, when, for how long even if we are going to attend a friend's wedding. I'm badly waiting for suggestions


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