Sandra

Should I run for the hills? Someone please help me...

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I do not have a MIL yet, but I been with my BF for 3 years now and his mom is ALREADY getting to me. I am worried that she might be a deal breaker in the near future. So I'm just going to lay this down in chronological order.

-We got together

-Him and his dad had problems and I took him in and kept in safe while he was skipping school ( of course I had to skip with him to make sure he would stay out of trouble ) His mom was aware of this when she came to his school and found out he was missing, and I brought him back to her. She thanked me and told me I was an angel protecting him.

-A year or so passed, we graduated, and me and my BF are spending ALOT more time together.

* now comes the list of the things that bother me that I have been dealing with for the past 2 years*
We still haven't moved out of our parents house because we are saving up. So we DO NOT live together. We are 21.

-She tells me "Oh please don't tell Jeremiah (bf)" when she talks to me
*Are you really asking me to lie/withhold from YOUR SON?

-She has told me "Oh I just guilt my kid so they will do what I want them to "
*I highly disagree with her parenting style.

-Yesterday she guilted my BF into buying her a preg test (Shes going through menopause) because " people would judge her "
*She is grown, she can do it herself, she wants attention from my BF bc there is no way she is preg. and it is inappropriate to ask your son to get something like that for you.

- She goes through his stuff every day and looks at things I made special for him ( I made him a hard back book all about us and feelings and all that stuff and she read it and put it in a dif room along with a lot of other things!"
*None of her damn business and he is to old for you to be looking through his things. it was NOT just out and about.

-She did it again after he talked to her about it the ever next week, and then sent me a pic of it...
* How disrespectful to me....

-He tells his family he will be home late tonight because he is going on a special date with me. She calls him 3 times to "check on him". Each call lasted 5 min minimum.
* I feel like I have to compete with her for his attention.

-She tells me what to do and how to do things and when to do it (Ex. When you move in with my son, you set the table like this before he gets home so you will make him happy or you need to cook the chicken like this, stir it like this)

* I know how to make him happy thank you every much... and cook

-She told me "I love Jeremiah more than my other children, he is all I have and you are taking him away from me, you are taking the wind beneath my wings, you are taking my happiness
* You have 2 other children, you shouldn't feel oh so lonely, and I HATE HER PARENTING STYLE


-She told him "I hope that when you move out that you are still apart of the family..."
*Oh ok that's fine, expected...
- "I hope you call me a few times a day..."
* Really? He is going to be to busy to call you many times a day, and that's extremely annoying
- "I hope you spend the night over the weekends"
*Um we want to move out for a reason...
- "I hope you will let me stay with you when I get lonely"
* OH HELLLL NO..no no non on ononononononono

MY FEARS

-She will tell me how to raise my children
-She will call all the time
-She will end up living with us because "she has nowhere to go" *long story but trust me*
-She will be at our place ALL THE TIME


We have talked to her multiple times about our privacy and going through his things, she does not listen. I have told him about how I feel with all of these things, and about my worries for the future. Im worried he wont be able to tell her no. Because even I have been hardcore guilted into doing things I don't want to do (ex, writing her memoir ) He is also getting fed up with her but he cant hurt her feelings to bad or she will get him kicked out of the house...

Does this look like a setup for disaster?

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Comments

  1. Whoever's Avatar
    The problem isn't just FMIL but your BF. Run fast and far from this train wreck. You seem to give and give but he gives nothing in return. He lets his M stomp all over you and says he "will talk to her." Yeah, right. RUN.

    Whoever
  2. CookbooksRStillUs's Avatar
    Talking to her about this stuff is useless. *His* behavior needs to change. He needs to move out. He needs to ignore her guilt trips. He needs to learn to say "no", and then refuse to be drawn into any argument or discussion of that no -- to hang up or walk away if she's having a tantrum. If he cannot do these things, RUN.
  3. sanseeker's Avatar
    I did not get married until after I had been with my "finance/ BF" for 20 years, after we had kids. I had several reasons for waiting and one was fear of the "MIL". I could tell in the beginning she overlooked many/most of her own and her son's faults but was interested in judging mine. She still gets on my nerves. MIL's in general are annoying because they are like an eternal guest to a party who were never invited. Even if she is nice, I find it hard to really like/love her, and sometimes I feel bad about that, but its hard to forget stuff she did/said in the beginning. It's really just that we come from such different backgrounds, and she got divorced and depended a lot on her son, also it's generational.

    Getting married on its own is hard enough without pressure from relatives.
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