sam65

Enmeshment Issues

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I have been with my significant other for 5 years now. My situation is a little different because I am not married to him. I have a residence with my child and he bought a house with his mother. The thing is, he is a wonderful, gentle, kind guy, but he is also BFFs with his mother. She cooks for him every night and they have all their bills together and she says she takes care of him like she did her husband. He wants me to move in and gets frustrated because I don't. But his mom is boss of the house and rules the whole roost. His mom has no filter on her mouth and says hurtful things. He says he never wants to get married again so I feel if I did move in I would have no security. I feel like they are super enmeshed together. Plus mom is always right and I feel like the bad guy. Is this relationship worth it or do I run for the hills before it is too late?

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  1. Whoever's Avatar
    Don't just run, RUN. BF is not only a momma's boy, but has been spousified by his mother. If you moved in, you would have absolutely NO rights. You certainly aren't his priority.

    Come on over to the forums and post this there. You'll get a LOT more feedback.

    Whoever
  2. Moggy The Outlaw's Avatar
    Do not move in there under any circumstances. Whoever is right, you aren't his priority and you would have no rights whatsoever in that household. She would make your life (and your child's life) a complete misery.
  3. caranfin's Avatar
    Are you happy with the relationship as it is? I.e., dating forever, never living together or getting married? If so, tell him the only thing that's going to change is that you're no longer going to have any interaction with his mother.

    But if you're looking for a long-term, hopefully permanent relationship, you already know the answer. You're not going to get it with this guy. You're very wise to be afraid of moving into him and mommy's little love nest. Don't do it. Cut your losses and let him loose.
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