Serenity

Husband asked Mom to stay with us for a few months. She has not left

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So my boyfriend and I got engaged February of last year. We have been together 5 years. He was born and raised in a small town in west Texas. We met when he was living in Arizona and had a very rocky start to the relationship but managed to make some changes and decided to move to Houston because he had a great Job opportunity. We have been in Houston for 4 years. I left my 2 older sons and my grandkids and it was extremely difficult but I manage to go see them twice a year. Our life and our dreams are finally coming through. We just bought our first home. The house is in his name and he said that when he asked about putting me on the house he could not unless we are married. Ok red flag #1. Approximately 6 months ago we discussed his mom coming to stay with us for a "few Months" because there was nothing keeping her in west Texas. Her daughter and granddaughters were moving to buffalo Gap Texas and the oldest grandson (from that same daughter) was raised by his grandma and grandma is now putting him through college. My Fiance' convinced her to come and live with us until she got on her feet because we live in a big city and there were better opportunity here for her. We spoke about it and I agreed to have her come for a "few months". She got a job at Lowes part time and at Bed Bath and Beyond part time. That should have been my red flag. She has a degree from Texas A&M and I have even told her that I work at Starbucks and I meet a lot of people what would she want to do "career" wise to help get her on her feet. She said she had no idea and took the first 2 jobs that were offered and has stopped looking. We are now into our "few months' of her staying with us. We closed on our house last week and I was so excited because we talked about how we were going to decorate it. Since we closed on the house him and her have bought plants for the Garden he is wanting to Plant, They shopped for paint for the exterior and then he asked me if I wanted to go look at paint with him. When we got there he spent 5 minutes and pulled out samples and said this is what I want. Prior to him going him and Mom went to "look around" it was as though he already knew what paint he wanted that quickly. I told him I was feeling like instead of him and I decorating our new home it is him and his mom. He became very irate and said I was being childish. A week has gone by and I received a nasty email from his sister who lived for 38 years in the same town as his mom and never financially helped her with anything. Mom does not get along with her husband and talks bad about him and her own daughter and how worthless they are. So when I get the email that his sister sent me and him, that says my fiance' he needs to grown a pair and stick up for his mom and if I don't like it he should tell me to hit the F@#&n road. We drove 10 hours to her old home packed everything up for her and drove back in 24 hours and went to work the next day. I have made dinners, done the grocery shopping and helped her grandson get a Microsoft program loaded on his computer that I owned and he needed. But she is very unhappy in the way she is being treated here? His sister said that I better ease off her mom or "####s gonna get real" I So I sat my fiance' down and told him that I needed to know where his loyalties lye. He played dumb and said what do you mean, I said well my first priority is God, Then I listed who is second and so on and so on. He said it sounded like I was asking him to choose. I explained I am not asking you to choose just to help me come up with a solution on how we can get your mom on her path and out of our house. I told him I was willing to allow her more time but we just ignore the big Elephant in the room eventually it going to go crazy. (kind of where I am at) He is refusing to do anything about it. He continues to go shopping with her and brings home tonight a ceiling fan for her room. I explained to him we talked about getting this particular ceiling fan and I want a theme to be consistant and the fan he bought isn't consistant. He made this all about what he persceives to be me being jelouse of his mother. I feel when I try to talk to him he becomes very belittling to me and dispresctful and angry. I asked him to be considerate of my feelings when it comes to decorating the house and this should be our project not his or his moms, afterall she is only going to stay a "few months" When somebody buys paint for my guest bathroom that she is using that tells me she isn't going anywhere and he is not going to do anything about it, Her Grandson is coming from College to stay at the house with us for 3 weeks and nobody asked me if it was ok. Had they did and I said No there would have been another argument and I would be the bad guy. Can somebody please give me input on what to do. I love him and when we lived away from everyone our life was great. We were excited about buying a house. Now I dread coming home. I don't like to be around people who have nothing good to say about anybody and who feel like they are so above everybody. When we go out in public and somebody says something both her and my fiance' they both shoot down what there saying and start correcting them or offering a better way. Example the sky is blue, "well actually it is mostly white because it is made up of mostly cloud". I have never heard them tell ANYBODY, "THATS A GREAT IDEA. or your right. I think I may be at the point of realizing he would rather save face with his mom and be the hero then to save his ass with me. Sorry about the rambling but I am so upset that I feel like the outkast. I am not asking how to get along with her just how to get her to move out by January 2016 which is 7 months past the "few month" deadline. I felt that was a compromise .

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  1. Owendy's Avatar
    Sorry to say, you were duped. This man is married to mama. Time to plan an exit strategy.
  2. Whoever's Avatar
    Owendy is right. Your "fiance" is married to his mommy and you are the other woman, just the booty call, cook/housekeeper and source of financing for him and mommy dearest to have a house.

    Did you contribute financially, at all (e.g. closing costs, any fees) to the purchase of the house? Do you contribute, at all, to the mortgage or taxes? If you have, go see a shark-like divorce attorney about getting this money back, with or without interest. If you haven't, pack up all your stuff, as well as thing you purchased for the house and half (financial wise) of things you shared the cost, put it in a U-Haul truck and leave. Maybe go back to where your sons and grandchildren live but put a lot of distance between you and this mommy's boy.

    Speak to an attorney about a Cease-and-Desist letter, as well as criminal charges, against his sister for her threats against you. You can also report her to her ISP and the FCC for her threats. BTW, what did your "fiance" ever say to/about his sister threatening you? I would sit your "fiance" and his mommy dearest down and tell them you don't know what lies his mommy is telling the sister but it stops now. In fact, do not interact with his mommy dearest in any way any more.

    You know that your "fiance" isn't going to have mommy dearest move out so start planning your move now. No more money into a joint account and put your pay into a new and different account at a different bank so they can't get their hands on it. Do NOT pay a dime or lift a finger when her grandson gets there. I'd also stop cooking for her, doing her laundry or cleaning for her in any way. If she leaves her dirty dishes about, she doesn't get to use any clean ones until she washes them or puts them in the dishwasher. Stop contributing so much to their household (it isn't yours, you know). Tell them your hours were cut, maybe in half, and that you are looking for a new job. Tell your boss not to tell a soul ANYTHING and give him/her a brief explanation so they can have your back. Put that money you are no longer giving them into your new account to help with your move. Get a PO Box and use that as the address for everything, even mail from the bank and the address for the account (perfectly legal). And stop having s3x with this mommy's boy.

    Start your plans now and give yourself a deadline to get out. Your "fiance" never had any plans to marry you, he just wanted to use you. He is NEVER going to have mommy dearest move out, either.

    Whoever
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