How do i get my mother in law to back off??

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My mother in law drives me crazy! She has health issues so does not work and spends her days at home. This is where she overthinks things and decides to call me and spend hours on the phone which i do not have. Because she is alone during the day she just talks and talks and i barely get a word in! I also prefer to ignore her calls because everytime i do talk to her she makes me feel like i have to say yes to having lunch with her or going around for dinner and to be quite honest i dont want to drive 40minutes for lunch when i have plenty to keep me busy doing my own thing. We have a 7week old son and it is the MIL first grandchild so she is very besotted and obsessed with him as im sure most grandparents are. However i feel like she is overstepping the mark by always trying to pin me down and get me to go and see them whether its dinner or lunch. Now i have nothing against them seeing our boy but i dont want to feel pressured to drive 40minutes to go and visit her or to leave my son alone with her (im not comfortable with it as she is unsteady on her feet and needs a walking frame to get around). I feel like now she has asked my DH is going to feel the pressure from her and they will make me feel like i have to leave him with her and i really dont trust that she is capable to take care of my boy. At the start of my DH and mines relationship she was always going on about making time for each other etc etc and now it seems like she has conveniently forgotten we do need our own time because now she is wanting to make a schedule where they see our son every second sunday which is usually our family day/husband& wife time as my husband plays football on a saturday and i see my mum. I want to be able to say no but i have never been good at that and i dont want to upset anyone but i really get annoyed with all the phone calls and pressure to drop everything and see them when they want.I understand it is there grandchild but unfortunatly they only have 2 sons so will never have the relationship that i have with my mum or that our son will have with my mum because i see my mum regularly and choose to spend time with her. I just want them to understand that unfortunatly they will only get to see our son when we have the time and we cant make a schedule just because they want it.
I feel a bit bad because i feel like i have to put myself out all the time and i dont want them to not see their grandson but i wish they would back off a bit more...

Am i being difficult or should they accept that they cant see him all the time or whenever they want?

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  1. Whoever's Avatar
    No 7-week old should be away from its mother. Period. And he should not be visiting people as his immune system is not yet developed. Check with your pediatrician. Even when he is older, he should never be left alone with her because she is unsteady. Not "fair" to MIL but your priority is the safety of your son.

    Stop answering the phone every time she calls. In fact, do NOT ever answer when she calls. When you do, in her mind it means you have nothing else to do. Let DH call his mother, after all, he doesn't call your mother to chat for hours at a time, does he? His mother, his problem. BTW, DH does NOT get to take your 7-week old infant away from you to visit his mommy. He has to man up and be a dad. Don't let him try to guilt you into doing this either. It is NOT your job, nor DH's, to keep his mother happy. That is her responsibility alone.

    If you do get trapped into talking with MIL on the phone, tell her you only have a few minutes to talk. Don't JADE - Justify, Argue, Defend or Explain - because that will give her points to attack. "No" is a complete sentence. If, or rather when, she keeps rambling on, quickly say, "Gotta go, the cat's on fire" then IMMEDIATELY hang up. If she ever mentions it or whines to DH, say she obviously misunderstood (another reason she can't have the baby alone, she is delusional).

    Come over to the forums. You'll get more answers or more perspectives.

    Updated Oct 24, 2015 at 12:36 AM by Whoever
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