MIL left out of wedding planning

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I am looking for advice as how to open communication between my son and his fiancé about their upcoming wedding. I have not been included in any planning but received an email as to when and where the wedding was going to be. I told my son that I was disappointed in how that was handled and felt it would have been better to call and discuss it with us. This was met with ok we will try to keep you informed. That didn't happen. Recently we went to her home town to meet her mother and look at rehearsal dinner options. During this event the mother found out that the place her daughter picked for the reception was closing. We were never included in that initial planning. A couple of weeks later my son called to tell me that they needed us to pay for half the liquor at the reception which was now going to be held in a much nicer place. I said that we wouldn't do that since we only asked for 30 invites and they had 150. I said to him that I was'nt privy to the budget but that maybe they could cut somewhere else. Since then there has been nothing but accusations against me about not wanting the wedding and basically any little thing that was ever said has now turned into issues. Finally I called the fiancé because I felt that she was using my son and I wanted to clear the discontent. The conversation was very cool and I told her that I didn't want any confusion but that we were behind our son and her and wanted the best for them. I told her that I hoped that if there was confusion or she had a question to please feel free to call me herself. The discontent and accusations still continue. What can I do? My husband thinks I should just not have anything to do with it. It's breaking my heart that my son has become so angry towards me. On top of all that the fiancé asked her grooms sister to be a bridesmaid. She did not want to be as she and her brother never got along and she does not like fiancé. She was trying to say no to them when her brother became angry and insisted she say yes. I then talked to my daughter and begged her to say yes to keep family harmony. I thought it was the right thing to do. Now I see it wasn't and want to tell my daughter she can call the fiancé and say no. The fiancé is a mean girl online and I did not find out until recently that my daughter had good reasons to say no. The wedding is still 12 months away. Help

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  1. EvilEvilDIL's Avatar
    I suspect that the issues here are far deeper than wedding planning and "mean girl' on line behavior, and predate any engagement. It sounds like they were trying to involve you more since you were in town looking at venues.

    1. What was your relationship with your son like before he met his future wife?
    2. What was it like after he met her?
    3. What have you been asked to do (not do) prior to the engagement?
    4. How old is your daughter?

    I assure you that paying 1/2 the bar bill will be far cheaper than paying the full share of church, food, retention, bar bill, entertainment, etc for 30 people.
  2. mamaalanna's Avatar
    Why should you be involved in the plans for someone else's wedding? You are a guest. Your job is to go to the wedding/reception and support the happy couple. Let it go.
  3. Non's Avatar
    I've actually been on the other side of this situation. My husbands mother complained about not being part of wedding planning, but to be honest I didn't need help. I love planning and I had most of it planned before they said they were interested in helping. They didn't like me from the start, before they ever met me. My MIL is a total control freak and when she started losing her son to another woman she got nasty. She told him not to marry me and said my parents were bad people for supporting a wedding that they weren't involved in. Unfortunately in your situation you seemed to have handled it much better than my MIL. The best advice I can give you, from the other side (and trust me I know how hard it is), you have to let it go. She may be nasty but he's going to marry her. Unless you want to create a wedge with your son, just help pay the liquor bill and anything else they need help with. If they're letting you be part of that, take it and be grateful. It will show you're trying to make things better, even if she won't.
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