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Mother In Law

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I married my husband just over a year ago, and dated him for 5 years before that. His mother was known as the over-bearing Mom who really needed to 'cut the umbilical chord'. My husband is obviously the favorite! My husband is active duty military and stationed in Kansas, and our families are from Ohio, so he rarely sees them (thankfully, as he says). He and his mother have had a very odd relationship. His mother was (and is) emotionally abusive, and a compulsive liar-- she lied about the parents of his siblings, her infidelity, etc.. And yes, his siblings... He has three. None of which get the 'special' attention that my husband gets, (and it drives all of them crazy). My MIL also has 8 (one on the way) grandchildren from her other kids, and 0 from my husband and myself-- yet my husband still gets all of the attention, even when he is not present. An example would be her posting photos on Facebook with crafts my husband made as a toddler 22+ years ago that still sit on her work desk, and none from her other children and grandchildren. That didn't bother me-- here is where it started. The week after I got married, I got a message from my Husband's sister saying that I am an awful person for working and living away from my husband (I have a successful career away from my husband's duty station), and that it would be best if I just divorced him. Confused, I showed my husband and he said "She would never say that. Don't make up messages."

'ok... well now what?', I thought. Fast forward a month, and his mother started in. "If you don't divorce him I will come and kill you myself. He is my son, and you cant do this to my family." (Mind you, he is in the army hundreds of miles away, and I do not live with him... I didn't know what I was doing!).

Sitting here knowing my husband wouldn't believe me (he didn't before...!), I ignored the messages. I blocked the numbers, and emails and went on with my life.

Then I was diagnosed with star 3 cancer (lymphoma). Not only did that take a toll on my body, but the harassment, and death threats started to break me down mentally. Maybe it would be best if i died, I thought. Maybe it would be best for the family.

December rolls around, and I was in town for the holidays to say hi to our families (Hub is still in Kansas, and couldn't make it out). I was staying with my parents for the week, and went and said hi to my in-laws. The next day I woke up and my windows were bashed in. This is when things started to get real.

I am at the point in my life where my husband does to believe me, and I am beyond frustrated with this situation. mind you, I have never done anything to make my husband not believe me, he just thinks his family is innocent and would or could never do these things.

So i need some advice. What should we do? What should I say about these injustices I am facing? I feel lost and overwhelmed and confused! Over a year later, the threats have not stopped. I am scared daily that I will see someone i my husband's family, and I fear daily for my life.

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Comments

  1. Rabbit's Avatar
    I am so sorry this has happened to you. You do not deserve this. Please don't give up hope and find healing.

    I don't like the situation you have described one little bit. Not only do you have a serious problem with your husband's family, you also seem to have a husband problem. He needs to believe you, and he needs to have your back, and help you make sure you are safe from those people. For a start, begin to document their threats. Report threats and window breakage to police to begin to build a file. Have a serious talk with husband. Get a good marriage counselor. Also, speak with a lawyer about getting a restraining order. If after your serious talk with husband he still insists on having contact with his terrifying family members, I think you need to leave him. These people are not normal.
    Updated Mar 24, 2017 at 12:45 AM by Rabbit (Wanted to add thought)
  2. mamaalanna's Avatar
    What Rabbit said. Most of us have toxic MILs but very few have threatened our lives. Do NOT delete threatening texts, voicemails, or emails. You need these to confirm your documentation.

    Come over to the forum and post there. Not a lot of people read the blogs.
  3. Whoever's Avatar
    Your problem is as much your DuH as your ILs. You are not his priority, he has repeatedly shown you this.

    File at least police reports, if not actual charges against the ILs. Recover their threatening messages and contact an attorney to help you file a restraining order against them.

    If DuH still claims you are making things up and his family would never do something like that, dump his sorry a$$ as fast as you can. Then get a restraining order against him as well as he will probably be their flying monkey

    You deserve better.

    Whoever
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