being the MIL

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Are there any other moms out there? Ones who possibly are having trouble negotiating the touchy daughter-in-law relationship? I am having trouble building a trusting, loving relationship with one of my DILs, and am just curious if there is anyone else out there feeling out of balance? I am a mom who raised 3 boys, no daughters, and i am really struggling with this. She has been married to my son for 9 years and while i am still very close with my son, i feel a strain on the whole family dynamic because the DIL really only wants us part of my grandkids' lives on her terms. I have another daughter-in-law who is a sweetheart and i have no problem feeling like she wants to be part of our family, while maintaining a very close relationship with her own family. Of course there is a big, long history, but it really has been mostly good. Just curious if there are any other moms out there feeling the same way?

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  1. Wildwitch's Avatar
    It doesn't sound like you are being a bad MIL, just maybe not seeing the bigger picture.

    You say she only wants you to see the children on her terms. Are her terms really unreasonable? Or just different?

    Try to remember that all people come from different family/life experiences and it is actually more amazing that so many families manage to mesh at all. Your other DIL seems to have a similar background as yours so she easily fits into your family dynamic. Unless her demands are unreasonable, try to just accommodate her wishes and not treat her any differently than your other DIL. It will likely be difficult, but if she feels that she is being pushed away in favor of the 'golden DIL', she will likely withdraw even more.
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