The Package Drama: read on for a good laugh.

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I'm a long time lurker, first time blogger. My future mother in law is a nuts, and almost everyone around her know it. I have enough stories about her madness to write a book. I have been lurking on this site for years, reading advice from all of you wise ladies (and men). I have been too afraid to post, even when I finally signed up last year I only posted once. I was, and still am, afraid she will find me. But now I feel like I am at a point where I need to start writing about it, so that I can move on. I will start out slowly by writing about some of her more recent actions and work up to the back story.

The Package Drama

FMIL calls my fiance about a week ago. The conversation went like this:
FIL: without even saying hi "did you get it yet?"
DF: "um, hi mom. Did I get what yet?"
FMIL: "the package!"
DF: turns to me "Hey honey did we a package recently?"
FMIL: "I didn't sent it there, I sent it to your work!"
DF: upset "Mom i can't get packages at work." he works at big retail store, he doesn't have an office and is really not allowed to get things sent to work.
FMIL: "Of course you can!"
DF: "No mom, I probably won't get it. Why didn't you send it here?"
FMIL: "Because you are never home!"
DF: really annoyed now: "I am home all the time! I usually work nights!"
FMIL: "No you are NEVER home!"
DF: "What was in the package?"
FMIL: "You have to wait and see!"
DF: "Mom don't send anything to my work again please."
FMIL: "I will if I want to. Its not a problem."
DF: "It is a problem"
FMIL: "No"
Our phone is quite loud and I can hear the whole conversation. At this point I am baffled. She has NO respect for her DS as an adult. Obviously she must know best about the policies of HIS job.
DF: "Please mom, I am going to get written up."
FMIL: "Love you, Bye!" *click* She hung up on him!

DF says to me: "My mom is nuts"
Me: "Yup"
We concluded that it must have been something that she didn't want me to see. Of course he is going to tell me what it is. He has proven to her time and time again that he chooses me over her, and won't keep secrets from me.

The story doesn't end there though. Nope. The crazy goes up a notch. DF got the package at work the next day. He had to meet with the owner about it. After explaining that his mother is crazy and sent it without his knowledge he was spared the write-up that it would have come with. Do you want to know what was in the package! Not something super secret. She mailed two chocolate advent calendars, the ones you give to kids around Christmas, one for him and one for me. That's right she paid 20 or more dollars to ship $4 in candy to two ADULTS, and couldn't even send them to our house. We both laughed our pants off! Of all the things. She gave them to us every year since we started dating to "remind" us that we are children in her eyes. She used to drop them off at our place when we lived in the same city as her. We didn't expect her to go to such lengths. Anyways. DF called to thank her for the "gift" after work but she didn't answer, he left a thank you message. We thought it was over.

We were wrong, the craziness continues. She then calls us at 9 am the next morning (a Sunday btw, she knew we wouldn't be awake yet.). DF answers it sounding tired.
DF: "hello?"
FMIL: "you sound tired, i'll call you back!"
DF: "No mom, I'm awake now we can talk"
DF: "She hung up on me!" I haven't seen him so mad in a long time, he hates being hung up on more than anything else. He immediately called her back.
FMIL: "Hello, honey I told you to go b..."
DF: interupts "When I say i can talk, I can talk. Don't hang up on me!"
I didn't hear the rest of the conversation as I went to get a snack, but according to DF he told her that he was an adult and if he wanted to talk he would talk, and if he said not to send him packages at work don't. She kept repeating that "we were never home" then got upset because she couldn't have her way. Then essentially hangup on him again.

By the time this was all done with it was almost 10am so we called FMIL's mom, FGMIL to ask about christmas plans. We have a pretty good relationship with FGMIL now, I had to set her straight once and since then things are great. Well after we both talked to her for about an hour, she immediately called FMIL. She always calls us all on sundays so that is not a surprise. However, she called us back after she talked to FMIL. Apparently DF has really upset FMIL and he should call her back right away. DF explains to FGMIL that what she did. FGMIL is silent for a moment, then says "God that daughter of mine is nuts! sorry to bother you guys.". Even her mother is starting to see that she is crazy. FGMIL began to realize this last year around Christmas, but that is a story for another day.

So what do you all think? I think that she orchestrated this whole charade to make the point that we don't pay enough attention to her. She really stressed the whole "You are never home" comment. To her we must never be home, if we were we would be on the phone with her at all times.

Wow. It feels good to get that out there!

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