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  1. Thank you everyone for reading my story. I just turned 34 and have Asperger Syndrome (not diagnosed until I was 25). That did not stop me from wanting to be in an intimate relationship, I just did not know what I was doing. When I first met my now ex-boyfriend at a mutual friend's birthday party in May 2008, I was in my late twenties pursuing my master's degree. We would hang out with our mutual friend (who have known each other since they were 12) and some friends (with the same diagnosis as me) of mine. During that time, I learned that he *still* lives with his parents but works full-time in his field, engineering and had nearly no dating history other than taking a girl to the prom in high school. I graduated in December 2009. Several weeks later the sparks started flying when my ex called to wish me a Happy Valentine's Day. From that point on when we would see our friends, I always sat next to him and we spoke at least once a week. That May, we agreed to begin dating. We got thru the transition from friends to dating relatively smoothly. I met his parents and younger sister (who moved out of the family home into her own apartment many years before) in the late summer while I was still living with my mother. At the end of September, I finally got approved for a special grant that allows disabled persons to pay for rent and moved to my apartment in October in the same county as my mom and boyfriend live (with my many relatives nearby). We began to have daily phone conversations after getting home from work and I was fine with seeing him only on weekends. The fact that he and his family wanted their alone time without me did not bother me for quite some time; same with calling them to check in when we would be going somewhere to visit family or friends (when we would arrive and leave). In fact, I made a point to say hello to them myself and not just have my ex speak to them. However, I understand that relationships have a progression, as well as the fact that it would not be right for me to go on their family vacations. By this time, my family accepted "us" and invited him to every family event and our mutual friend began dating his now wife. Around the time we were dating a year (which was in May), his parents suggested meeting my mother. My ex and I did discuss it and I said I definitely want to - we already told each other that we were in love with one another - just not at that point in time. By May, he would sleep over in my apartment and the one-Saturday-of-every month pattern was established. I hoped it would increase in time but decided to be patient and wait for the right time, as well as hoping that I would be included in more family activities. When he would sleep over, he would always get there by Saturday afternoon but be heading home to his parents within 24 hours. However, that December (18 months of dating) things slowly took a turn for the worst. As I said, he *still* lives with his parents and sees them daily. His parents decided they wanted to repaint the house the third weekend of the year 2012 and "needed" my ex's help with moving furniture and other things around, but did not want me because "they had everything under control". I told him that I do not understand how they needed him so badly but refused to include others. By February, I realized he had not slept over once since Thanksgiving so I told him that I expect two weekends (instead of one) and it worked for February and March, as well as the fact that couples go thru difficult times and plenty survive and even thrive. In February, my grandmother passed away. His parents were nice enough to take me and my ex out to dinner and things went fine until I got the funeral arrangements. I had not even gotten off the phone with my mother when his mother said in front of me to my ex - go to the funeral, but the burial in the cemetery is for "family only" so he was to return home to them. My ex has no relatives that reside anywhere nearby and are scattered in all different states and countries plus he said his grandparents died either before or shortly after he was born. I refused to make a scene in the restaurant but still thought it was odd - and said this to him the following weekend. Little did I realize that by April that the problems of being excluded from his family (the same people who, a year prior, wanted to meet my mother) and lack of time spent together would get worse. At Passover, it did work out so that I would be with him and his family one night, and we would spend the weekend visiting mine (Easter was that Sunday). His mother thru a fit in front of the entire family yelling at me that she does not want my ex (who has a cleaner driving record over anyone I know!) to drive me to visit family on Easter Sunday because she was concerned about driving conditions and in fact said ordered me to visit my family on my own and that my ex had to stay home with her. I guess she forget that whenever he and I would visit my family on Sundays that he was always home with her by 8 p.m! With that, I put a hand on her shoulder and asked her what to do to make her more comfortable. She only calmed down enough to say it was nice to see me and gave me a hug before ordering my ex to get me home. Of course May is Mother's Day month. I was invited to be with my ex and his family on Saturday of Mother's Day weekend and I expected that TOGETHER that we would visit my family on Sunday. He told me that he must check with his family before he can commit to me on Sunday in case they need him for anything - I was annoyed by then but refused to see breaking up as an option because of my feelings towards him. Plus, my family was awaiting a response. Days before Mother's Day - he said I am still invited to be with his family on Saturday but that they need him on Sunday for "family only" time. He did agree to speak to me during the day but refused to say anything more about what they were up to. Nonetheless, it was awkward having to explain to my family that he was alone with his when he came to every family event of mine. I began to read articles and realized I was dating a "mamma's boy" and that the first sign of a breakup is not spending as much time on the relationship but I still refused to give up. After Mother's Day, I prayed that my ex would learn from his mistakes and that things would be fine for Father's Day. The Thursday before Father's Day, I had a problem trying to get home from work so his parents picked me up at my office and drove me home and also invited me to Father's Day on Saturday. My ex confirmed this, but also said that he must "get permission" from his family to be with me and my family on Sunday. However, nothing could have prepared me for the following night: Friday. My ex and I met in person in his town but neither of us used the words "we need to talk". When I first saw him, he had a look on his family which indicated bad news. His parents again said I am welcome on Saturday, but they need him for another "family only" meeting on Sunday at lunchtime and that they "may" need him in the afternoon (when my mom and I would visit other nearby relatives). In his car, I started to cry and then got sick and had to lay down but still refused to give up. I asked him to call his parents but he said he will not question the authority his parents have over him. With that, I cried some more and asked what I mean to him and his family. With that, he said he had to break up with me. He did drive me back to my apartment and I gave him the gift I intended to give to his father and he collected the few things he did have there. His sister sent me an email thanking me for the gifts on behalf of her father that Sunday. I did write back and we are still facebook friends to this day as I write this. That night, I wrote a letter where page one spills out all of my feelings about that night, page two shows everything I loved about my ex and page three "leaves the door open" to having him in my life. Several weeks later, he did write back to me. The letter was similar to our relationship: slow buildup (with him spending paragraph after paragraph, page after page listing many things he admires about me: closeness with my family and how much and energy I put into my career in accounting), sudden crash. He did acknowledge in the letter that I was very nice to his family and that he loved that about me. He then wrote "keep in touch" but then told me to live life without him. Our mutual friend and his wife (who I still see regularly) said they only saw him once for his birthday and said he plans to stay home with his family (and he is 35!). There has been no contact in any form whatsoever since then. Even when Superstorm Sandy hit in late October and I lived in one of the hardest hit towns they did not contact me to see how I was or even ask about me to mutual friends. I warned him that his parents are not going to live forever.
    Thank you for reading this. Your comments are appreciated.
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A woman who refused to be a mother-in-law

by nschulm888 on Mar 29, 2013 at 11:08 AM
Thank you everyone for reading my story. I just turned 34 and have Asperger Syndrome (not diagnosed until I was 25). That did not stop me from wanting to be in an intimate relationship, I just did not know what I was doing. When I first met my now ex-boyfriend at a mutual friend's birthday party in May 2008, I was in my late twenties pursuing my master's degree. We would hang out with our mutual friend (who have known each other since they were 12) and some friends (with the same diagnosis as me)

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