I'm getting ready for a visit with MIL this week-end. We will be with them for a few days. I have learned so much valuable information from this site, mostly how in the world to respond to her. (I don't want to be discovered so I am not using my log in name, but I have been around off and on for a couple years.) I feel like I will be ready for anything she throws at me this time.

This is the first time I have not felt nervous and sick (literally) about having to see her. I can't wait to use some of the lines I've learned. I can't wait to never once JADE to her (justify, argue, defend, explain)! I can't wait to let the silence hang in the air when she is rude, or repeat her rude comments back to her and then let the silence hang in the air. I can't wait to practice changing the subject, and being in control of the conversation. When she asks me an obscure question that most people wouldn't know the answer to, I plan to ask her the same exact question. I will repeat what she says to DH or ask DH what she thinks about what weird/rude/inappropriate thing she just spouted out.

For unwanted advice I will say "Thanks for sharing, or Hmmmmm, or Interesting." When she is shocked/horrified by something we did that's no big deal I will say "Gee, that one really threw you for a loop, huh MIL?" If she brings up the exes, I will say, "Oh no MIL, that's a no-no. Remember, we don't discuss x/y/z anymore."

When she asks personal questions I will say "That's private." If it's about MORE GRANDKIDS...NOW, I will say, "Wouldn't that be wonderful?" and leave it at that. If it's about someone else I will say, "I guess that one falls under the "none of my business" category, so I don't know.

I may throw in a few "Pardon me?"s along the way too.

You ladies are so smart. Thank you for taking the time to share with others what has worked for you. I have a bag full of tricks I can use.

I made a list of things I can quickly change the subject to, and a list of things I can say in response to her nonsense. I know it sounds silly but I am going in with my weapons this time. Each time it has gotten a little better, but this time I am so happy to be going into it not feeling stressed.

She called the other day and I answered to get it over with. I wasn't stressed. She was so cheery and chipper and I think she actually thought we were going to have a real, normal MIL/DIL conversation- the kind we used to have when I used to put tons of effort into the relationship. Before she knew it I was saying a pleasant and cheerful, "Bye-bye!" and she was probably wondering what had just happened. I guess that's for me to know.

One question- what do you say when they criticize others or complain about their circumstances incessantly? It gets really old and I don't want to participate in these negative bash-fests. Or for stories we've heard a thousand times, especially about their kids growing up. Any ideas? Thanks.