[QUOTE=SamihamiNLI;586803]I was the unloved granddaughter once upon a time and I'll tell you now that at 52, it still bothers me when I think of it. My cousins and I have a tenuous relationship at best-occasional FB posts is all. I haven't set eyes on either cousins in almost 30 years. It's a shame because we have a lot in common and had we not been treated so unequally by my GPs we might actually be friends today. But that ship has long since sailed. My cousins were their daughter's children and I was "that woman's" daughter. They tolerated my brother since he was the only male, so he wasn't treated as badly. Essentially, my GPs made sure that the entire family on that side understood that I was the "lesser" grandchild and that feeling has carried on throughout my life. The GPs are long since dead but the legacy lives on...

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I was just like your daughter once. Right now she is getting the message that she is somehow not as good as her cousins. She doesn't know it yet, but that is the seed that is being planted in her head and it will stay with her the rest of her life if you don't put a stop to it now. She doesn't need your MIL and your MIL doesn't like her, so just stop. Protect her. Don't allow your MIL anywhere near your child or your home again. When she asks about her grandmother, I wouldn't be shy about telling her that "Grandma can't see us because she is mean." I'm sure someone else can phrase it better, but you want to convey to your child that there is something wrong with MIL, not with her.

I am curious to know what your DH has to say about the way his mother treats his child?[/QU

I am sorry you were treated this way when you were smaller. It's funny you brought this up because this is something that I don't understand either. If SIL didn't act so jealous of me and my daughter and MIL didn't play favorites and make such a difference our kids would be close as cousins growing up since they are so close in age. I just don't get it. Not to mention MIL family is small. My daughter is the only cousin SIL kids have that she ever sees at all or is even close to her kids age. They have no other Aunts or Uncles that sil kids see either. So WHY wouldn't you want them to be close?? My family is larger and my daughter has several cousins and AUnts,Unlces on my side that she spends time with. She is close to her cousins on my side. They play together all the time and say they are best friends. But whenever we are around SIL kids Mil is usually around and it's like my daughter is just a distant friend visiting even though we live very close. I will never understand the way they are...