Now I am dealing with the fact that DH has been taught his sense of right vs. wrong from 2 very skewed people. There seem to be family "rules" that live on.
The ones I can see so far;
1. It is never the dysfunction person that is in the wrong for the dysfunction but the person that notices it, but this only applies to those in the chosen "group", his kids funnily enough are not in this group, but BILs and his kids are in it.
2. His original FOO are "family" and thus they come first, things they need and are not even ours to do get done but he will dig in his heels and refuse to do things I ask for, even small things. Guess that is my spot in the pecking order.
Not sure if these things will dissipate in time, but they are here right now.
The dysfunction is much less though, we have one of the three that were dysfunctional remaining now. It is still present in smaller ways now but much less intense then it was when it was three of them. My DH is dysfunctional too for the enabling, he is chore boy and sacrificer, those are his roles and they are still going to be there as long as anyone in the designated "family (which I am not a part of) is here.
I don't intend on repeating the same situation we had with MIL with what remains of it, I am choosing to do what is best for me and makes me happy and be grateful for what I do have.
I am done with this situation and happy that my kids were kept out of it, they have not learned any of the dysfunctional behavior, so I did my job.