Quote Originally Posted by Whoever View Post

You can call MIL out in the moment for her carpy behavior and DH can reinforce it them and/or later,if he would even bother. Truth is, he doesn't want to hurt mommy dearest's feewings. He may have even said you are strong enough to take it but she is not. He's had plenty of chances to tell mommy dearest her behavior is unacceptable but has not done so.

Putting up with MIL's abuse for DH's sake makes him an abuser by proxy as he serves you up to her for the abuse.

I think that it's less about hurting his mother's feelings and more about the path of least resistance. I can honestly say that he's never cared that much about what his mother thinks and has always been embarrassed by the way that she acts. His default, though, is to ignore her as much as he can. He ignores her even when he's the target of her bullying. I, however, don't want to be terrorized by her and I am not going to ignore someone in my face trying to control me and/or insult me. In all fairness, he's done better over the last few years, but I think it's a useless exercise personally. MIL is who she is and a more arrogant or selfish person I have seldom met.

Everyone who has posted here and in other threads have made me realize that I shouldn't feel guilty for standing up for myself even though I frequently *do* feel guilty. Nearly everyone in my family and his, including DH, have tried to make me feel guilty for having boundaries. He has this idea that he must let them visit and that I have to suffer alongside him. No, actually I don't. He's slowly coming around, but I never would have gotten this far without you guys so thanks everyone.

She texted him tonight to say that the trip is off. Apparently, the airfare sale she was going to use ended before she could book the tickets (thank you, airlines!!!) so I've gotten a bit of a reprieve. DH and I still have some issues from this debacle to work out but I think it'll be easier without the spectre of an impending visit to deal with.