Quote Originally Posted by zipper View Post
I might say to your Mom:

Mom, I see that you are frustrated about your living situation but don't know how to deal with it.
Right now Keith and Mary are living with you rent free. You are paying for their food and diapers.
They are using your car despite them having one. I assure you that if Mary recks your car, she will do nothing but let you pay to repair hers and maybe let you borrow it occasionally. I know they are looking for work, but right now they have a great deal with you...you pay for housing, transportation and food. Why get a job?
Also think about why they are not staying with Keith's mom? Have they been kicked out? They are old enough to get jobs and support themselves. I know you get some help from them...but you said yourself that you could get more help from the agency.
You could say to them that you have helped them get on their feet but starting October 1, you will be charging $500 a month for rent. You could say you would like them to move out by Oct 1. You could get an eviction notice from the sheriff if you need to. You may think that you are their only hope, but someone looking for money will review their options from most convenient to least convenient. When you're asked by someone in a hard position, it may feel like you're the difference between their chance to succeed and their chance to fail. But you're really just the next stop on the list...there was an easier one before you and there will be a harder one after you.

Second, "What appears to be a crisis is often the end of the illusion that things were working." It's rare that someone is actually in a situation where they were OK before and they'll be OK after, if they can just resolve one immediate issue.
Now I know that you want to help out your family...but at some point they are just taking advantage of you.

Oh, I've said all that and more. When Kieth first moved in she could agree with me on certain points. As of now....it is NOT WELCOME.

I've had to accept that I cannot help when help is not wanted. It's just very sad to watch her security be threatened so much by her own choice and doing.