[QUOTE=Positive Advice Needed;603247]Hello everyone, I am a married mother of 3 and work full time. I have been feeling overwhelmed for a while, as my mother in law lives with us. She is helpful to her grandchildren (watches while hubby and I work). My husband and I are thankful that she is available to help us however I wish she would recognize that she is a strong individual and that she can/should live on her own. I am respectful to her but she tells other family members and friends different. I can tell things were said because when they come to my house, they barely speak to me. Yes, in my house that I pay the bills for. She has always lived with her only child and my husband explained that she cannot live on her own. mentally nor financially. She does not contribute toward any bills in the household, however she can drive because she has a license and I gave her my old vehicle. She will invite people over at times. It seems as if she wants people to cater to her. I try to encourage her to seek social services assistance as she takes expensive medicine, and have even mentioned housing assistance to her. She finds time to drink liquor. She did say "it may seem like I am a freeloader" and "I do not like living alone" when I have last tried having a serious conversation with her. She makes strong efforts to tell people she loves them. And even told me "because my son loves you, I have to love you" and "I wish you would love me". And when I was taking care of my grandmother, she mentioned "since you love your grandmother, I have to like her". Sometimes, the liquor is doing the talking. I do not feel comfortable when talking to her seroiusly became I feel like she will automatically assume that I do not want her living with us. She has told people this and the information always comes back to me, even when I do associate with the people she talks to. I do not feel that she sets a good example as an elder, an adult, a person overall. I recently experienced the death of my grandmother, who raised me when I was a child and I have been more depressed lately. She gave me good advice and I feel that a part of me has left permanently. When she was living, she would come visit for a week or so, bath my kids, cook meals, and cleaned the house when I was at work. I am at the point where I want to become a stay at home mother so that I can be with my children more. Maybe this option would help her feel that she is not needed as much and would consider moving on her own. Maybe she does have a mental health issue. I always give respect and mother in law loves to joke around and use explicit language. She has it good, better than some others, and cannot even say thank you, just to show appreciation. Ia this because she feels like she is needed because she is watching my children? When she talks, she wants you to automatically take her advice and believe her, because she believes she is correct. When her son and I have disagreements, she tries to provide unwanted advice and of course when not asked. How can I convey my feelings to her so that she may understand, and not be frustrated at the same time? How can I try to have a healthy relationship with my husband and children, without her living in the same house? Thank in you in advance for any responses.[/Q

You need to go to counseling with your husband You say that she has always lived with him because she says she cannnot live alone And your husband continues to enable her by letting it be that way This is not a normal mother/son relationship i think the problem is much bigger than communicating with your MIL Trying to communicate with your MIL about this issue will only be an exercise in frustration for you Its your husbands job to tell her she cant live with you If he wont do that I would seek counseling

My situation with my MIL has been different than yours but trying to communicate with her is like talking to a brick wall and has only worsened the situation But its interesting that my MIL also told my husband "Shes your wife, I have to love her It seems like a hurtful way to say you love someone What kind of person turns talking about love into a dig