Would you attend MIL's funeral?

**Riley** · Jan 26, 2009, 09:45 AM

This doesn't really apply to my MIL, as she is merely annoying and not usually "harmful", but any relative or IL I'm not fond of-- heck yes, I'd go...if only to check for a pulse.

**ella** · Jan 26, 2009, 10:25 AM

I'm with DA here. For me, it depends on which IL it is and the age DDs are. At the moment as well, I also have trouble with the thought that me turning up is 'supporting' DH, when for 12 years I thought I did the supporting by playing at 'happy families' and sweeping everything under the rug. Just now, it feels that having to be at their funerals is one bit of support too far. I feel that I'd be better off at home looking after DDs and keeping family life going while DH deals with his family.

**LadyBelle** · Feb 13, 2009, 11:31 PM

Well when else would you be able to put the stake through her heart just to be sure? After the funeral the casket would be sealed and buried, so much more difficult.

**LadyBelle** · Feb 16, 2009, 02:33 AM

Salt and burn the bones. That is the way to be sure they aren't coming back. Talk cremation with DH and MIL. After all it is cheaper and you can scatter her ashes, or keep them in an urn on the mantel so she can continue to look over you from the grave. I realize some religions forbid this, but still a nice thought. Think of the sitcom value when a baseball, or other misfortune, hits that urn of ashes. It's bad luck to disrespect the dead, but one good sneeze at the wrong time..............

**ohmeohmi** · Feb 16, 2009, 05:34 PM

Yes, if DH wanted me to. He knows how I feel about her, so if he did not want me there, I would not go.

**Stalked** · Jan 8, 2010, 03:43 AM

I have to say, this is one of the things I have to thank her for - MIL's family has never believed in funerals. She didn't have them for her parents, and she won't expect one for herself (or so she says, but we all know she's hoping for the grand gesture). It's something I've never understood, and being quite fond of her parents, I was actually offended that they weren't given a proper send-off. Still, it gets us off the hook, doesn't it?

**Littleone** · Feb 5, 2010, 06:14 AM

I've only had one MIL. I don't expect to hear of her passing, and if by some chance my x ever found me and let me know she died my comment would have echoes of a comment she made about me to my grandmother. "Did someone finally shoot that b!tch?"

**FIL_less** · Sep 25, 2011, 08:36 PM

>I would say sure, why not? She's the only one in the family
>that I don't like.
>
>
>
>And she'd be dead. So no big deal, other than wanting to throw
>in the first (and last) shovel full. I'd just have to control
>my emotions. The correct way to act would be totally neutral.
> Tears always show in my eyes involuntarily, no matter what
>feelings I have for the deceased. And I really don't like
>crocodile tears from anybody including myself. With people in
>the family having a good idea how I feel, it would be bad for
>DH for me to be there boo-hoo'ing. And also to hold back from
>grinning or singing Ding Dong the Witch is Dead.
>

I didn't realize we could still post to this. When I posted this message, it was less than a month before MIL really did die, much to my surprise. I thought she was to mean to go...
Interestingly, a lot of what I said I would do happened, a lot of what I feared did not. I went, wore the famous Christmas "PEACE and JOY" undies, but other than that was pretty much emotionless. I said for the record here, that I feared grinning or crying during the event, both which would be inappropriate. In reality, though there was a certain "peace", I felt totally emotionless during the actual funeral. It was total detachment. At most memorable point to me during the service, I looked up at the casket sitting in the front of the funeral home and thought "She's in there, it's over." in a very unemotional sort of way.

The rest of the ILs don't bother me one way or the other. I've always been pretty neutral on them, so the whole experince was OK, since MIL was not there in a way to bother me.

But I did NOT, shovel any of the dirt, put a stake through her heart, dance on her grave, etc. The only "bad" thing I did was the underwear thing and only one person who knows me knows about that. She isn't family and she won't tell!

>
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>-------------------
>CO #18
>Avenger #54
>
>Last time I spoke directly to MIL: May 7, 2003

^^^^^ And I never spoke to her again! ^^^^

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MIL Survivor: NOW MIL_LESS TOO!!

CO #18
Avenger #54