Would you attend MIL's funeral?

**cookbooksRUs** · Jan 4, 2009, 12:31 AM

Yes, if my husband went. First of all, we hate being separated. But also, I'd go to offer support against FM uncle. I'll get a truly chic black dress, drop-dead but tasteful black pumps, and be ready to take DH's arm and walk out of the room when FM uncle starts to give him sh!t for "abandoning" his DM.

**bigmomma1965ca** · Jan 4, 2009, 12:39 AM

I would be pointing out to FM uncle that HE abandoned his sister long before dh left home to create his own family,lol.

**shiksagoddess** · Jan 4, 2009, 08:17 AM

I'd have to. Or I'd have to be on my own deathbed not to.

Then I have to handle things because the Mensch would be paralyzed. Then I'd have to arrange for the week-long shiva craptacular. Then I'd have to clean up everything ... then ... (shudder).

Shiksagoddess
ILA #50
Keeper of the Mona Lisa smile
------------------------------
"For your children are not your children...For their souls rest in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams."
- Khalil Gibran, The Prophet

**london calling** · Jan 4, 2009, 08:31 AM

I'd definitely go. I want to see her go into the ground for myself, just to make sure, you understand?

**rootofallevil** · Jan 4, 2009, 12:23 PM

Only for my husband. I would carry a can of mace to keep the rest of the creeps from trying to hug me after saying all kinds of rude stuff.

**sj1980** · Jan 4, 2009, 02:02 PM

I haven't really given this much thought, but I don't think I would. DH doesn't even know if he'd go. He thinks that he probably wouldn't find out anyways, since we're in total cut-off. They don't even know where we live at this point, and I hope it stays that way.

If he did go, I think I'd probably go with him to support him, but I also know the crappe that would be dished out against us at the same time. I'm not sure I want to expose myself to that BS. We'd take the fall for everything anyways; you can't speak ill of the dead, you know.

**LTL** · Jan 4, 2009, 03:25 PM

I would definitely go. My MIL isn't my problem (although her racism is a point I will not sit idly by on and DH won't either). And I do love her.

For my NM, I went to her funeral and DH went with me. It was one of the saddest funerals I have went to, not so much because it was my mother, but because not one person got up when the minister asked for people to share happy stories about her. I did not cry, but I haven't cried at a funeral since I was 10 or so at my grandfather's funeral.

I had two childhoods, one w/mom and that was filled w/horrible things that no child should have to deal with and one with my grandparents, that was filled with love. The years with my grandparents was what made me able to be a "normal" person. When my grandfather died, I was shocked and didn't start to cry until the service began. My mother told me to stop crying, I was just doing it for show, and how dare I do that at her father's funeral. I rarely ever cry now and I know I hold things in when I shouldn't. I think therapy would probably be good for me, but I've never gone.

**Sugarbear** · Jan 4, 2009, 03:47 PM

We both went to FIL's funeral. I went to support DH, not because of any feelings for his family or FIL. I'm glad that I went for DH's sake.

DH is an only child, and MIL probably is going to leave it all up to him to plan her funeral. He HATES funerals.

So if MIL doesn't actually plan and PAY for it before she dies, I don't think DH and I will actually HAVE a funeral for her. (DH said that she said "just plop her in the ground" and that she doesn't want a funeral, but he even thinks that she wants a huge funeral and lots of wailing and moaning, but she doesn't want to plan it)

She can be buried in the plot next to FIL, in a no-frills coffin, and NO FUNERAL... so she'd better decide all that stuff before and get it completely set up and paid because we're not doing otherwise.

**sj1980** · Jan 4, 2009, 03:49 PM

>>For my NM, I went to her funeral and DH went with me. It was one of the saddest funerals I have went to, not so much because it was my mother, but because not one person got up when the minister asked for people to share happy stories about her.<<

I'm a bit surprised. People (dysfunctional people anyways) seem to think that you can't say anything negative about anyone who is deceased, and usually try to remember the good times. There usually always are some of those. I would imagine that minister was a bit taken back when no one said anything about your M.